Part 4

"What's past is prologue."

The intoxicating fragrance of the queen of the night, raat ki rani filled the air, almost like nature was desperately trying to infuse some sweetness into an otherwise acrid air; where the temperature dropped, the chill stung and the darkness invaded your soul prompting you to seek solace in some warm cozy place, next to a roaring fire with a cup of steaming tea or better yet tucked away underneath layers of blankets away from this harshness. Around the corner of the block, a few people had gathered, burning cardboard boxes and discarded newspapers. The streetlights flickered above them, while the night engulfed it in the ensuing darkness making it a passive spectator to the happenings below. Some of that light filtered through to the pool side where Khushi sat dejected, very much shaken but not completely broken, yet. Her plight seemed worse than those homeless folks who at least had a fire to keep the cold at bay.

Numbed by the sudden turn of events of the past twenty-four hours, Khushi felt none of that chill as she sat slumped on the poolside deck, all decked up like a newlywed bride. It was all fine except she didn't feel like one, nor did the man hiding away in a heated room stealing glances at her across the closed glass shutter look like the husband she had imagined being tied to while growing up. Everything had happened so swiftly that things were yet to sink in; Khushi's peace of mind was lost in the chaos of confusion, volley of questions and the questioning glances. It was all chaotic, a blur of sorts starting from the time Arnav had first told her about the limited choices she had to the moment that slap resonated somewhere in the depths of her soul, her mother had been livid! Just like her Buaji, who had been quick to assume the worst and remind her that she was not one of them, had never been, while her Dad had looked on helplessly from the wheelchair. As if that hadn't been bad; she had been promptly disowned by Buaji, orphaned all over again because of that man who hid behind shadows. Khushi was so immersed in her thoughts, in all the million things running through her mind that she truly did not realize how the temperature had dropped alarmingly in the last hour, past midnight. But he had noticed everything, every little nuance of hers. And even though he tried his best attempting to ignore her, when he saw her shivering even as she stared at the pool with a faraway look, and a tear stained face, he simply could not walk away. He did not care; she could die for all he cared, he tried hard to convince himself. But it was a struggle for him. Struggle not to feel for her, struggle to keep his thoughts away from the woman whom he knew he needed to hate, struggle to let her go from his thoughts! So he did what he least expected, he got up and threw a comforter at her, mainly to appease his conscience, more than anything else. She kicked it away in sheer disgust; she was in no mood for his small mercies. That infuriated him further. Khushi did not realize when the tiredness set in, and she fell asleep. Arnav on the other hand, was a tormented soul, and had a disturbed sleep. As much as he tried, he could not stop caring that the woman on the deck was freezing in this cold and he was responsible for shutting her out! Surprisingly contrary to his assumption, her suffering made nothing easier to appease his own.

When she was roused from sleep early the next morning rather frantically by Arnav, she realized her neck hurt and her entire body ached because of sleeping on the cold deck. It was the first time Khushi felt the physical discomfort of her situation.

It got plain awkward, when Anjali walked in with a spare sari and informed them of the impending rituals. It was her di's Mu Dikhaiyi which meant, it was hers too by default. Just like everything else had been, her life was moving at the rate of knots and she had no idea where to or why!

It wasn't till she saw herself as the transformed self, clad in a red sari, adorned with the sindoor and the mangalsutra that it hit her. The reality if it all that she was now married, Mrs. arnav Singh Raizada, his words of the night before still echoed in her head, you are my wife for the next six months. We put on this show for the world. Behind closed doors, I will not give you the respect of a wife. The first sob took her by surprise, and as the tears streamed down her face, Khushi slowly slid by the counter and sank to the bathroom floor, the floodgates had truly opened. There was no stopping it anymore. Unable to hold back those damn tears, Khushi lay curled up on the floor while her body was racked by sobs so violent she had never know they existed before. In the privacy of that tiny space, she let all the pent up emotions out. Events of the past seemed a distant memory, hazy, faded and meaningless now, of things he had said and done, of how nice he had been at times, it was all a sham, she told herself. It was all a lie! This solitude hit her hard, she was now tied to this ruthless man who obviously hated her, her parents had disowned her, and she was pretty sure all the respect she had gained at Shantivan in all these months had been wiped out in one single stroke. It hurt, it hurt even more that she now felt all alone like there was no one else truly; it was what unnerved her the most!

When her tears had finally subsided, Khushi simply lay on the floor trying to regain some composure. She had no idea how she was going to face the world or to make things right. She had no clue. At first, she did not hear the knock on the door, but as it grew persistent there was no escaping it. She chose to ignore it initially but when the noise got too loud and irksome for her liking, she stood up and opened the door calmly without bothering to tidy herself. Arnav immediately reeled back seeing the mess that Khushi was.

He recovered quickly, and spoke blandly, "We are getting late. Di wants you downstairs"

"Of course and I can't make her wait, can I?" She knew that would get to him, his reaction however was a little confusing, she wasn't quite sure if it was truly anger or something else. Too exhausted emotionally to put up another fight or try to figure it out, she responded, "I'll be downstairs in a minute…" and wiped those last stray drops of tears away, "I'm done crying"

He couldn't ignore those swollen eye-lids even if he wanted to, they would haunt him for a long, long time to come. So he did what he knew worked best for himself, he tried hating her, reminding himself of why she deserved every bit of this pain, for messing with his Di's life. 

"Dont try to pull anything Khushi" he warned, "Otherwise…" His voice was threatening but she did not back down, "I know, or you'll break Di's wedding…" that shut him up alright ,"Now let's get the drama started" he looked on stunned, "Don't look so shocked, Mr. Raizada, I remember everything you told me last night"

"Good" he mumbled and walked away. Not sure why, but he was having doubts already, what if she got along with Shyam and plotted something new, he had to keep an eye on her! As he got to the door, he caught a glimpse of her starring at his back on the mirror; she looked horrible, almost as if all the light had been sucked out of her already. He shrugged those thoughts away. 

---

"Buy one; get one free"

"What was the rush?"

"Guess all that riches must have been too good to let go of! She trapped him before he could get away"

"Gold-digger?"

Ouch! One of those bangles broke inflicting a tiny cut on her wrist, she did not know what was worse, all those taunts by those pesky guests or the sheer disgust in his eyes. 

And the worst one of the lot that had everyone bowing their head in shame, "Did she get pregnant?" The looks Nani and Di had given after afterwards were that of sheer contempt. She had fallen in their eyes. It felt strangely liberating in a way though because it felt like there was nothing more to lose!

Khushi accepted that none of those taunts hurt more than the contempt she saw in the eyes of the people she truly cared for. Now in the quiet of his...our bedroom, she corrected herself, she was glad the drama, one of public spectacle was over with. And since she had been the butt of ridicule at the Mu dikhayi, every one of those bitchy neighborhood ladies had had a field day. It was like an entire army of vile viciousness had descended upon the Raizada Mansion. She was glad it was over.

But every minute was a like a new shock awaiting at her front door, now a very much real and practical problem plagued her, what was she supposed to change into, Hey Devi Maiyaa! She cursed at Arnav mildly, as she tried to come to terms with her helplessness. She had absolutely nothing here, and even her own Di had given her a cold shrug, when Khushi had refused to divulge the reason behind the elopement.

Khushi was now orphaned, broke... with just a single lehengaa that she could call her own! At least, she hadn't seen Arnav since the morning encounter. Where was he, she mused.

It was past midnight when Arnav returned to find Khushi asleep on the green recliner, she jerked up due to the sound of the closing door. He brought in with him an unmistakable feminine fragrance into the room, "Where have you been?" The words came out before she could hold them back, taking her by surprise.

He turned around equally surprised, "This…" pointing at the both of them, "is not a real marriage… cut the drama Khushi"

She repeated ignoring his barb, "Where were you?" It was most likely the perfume that was getting to her, a very strong note of sweet fruitiness, Jasmine! She would hate fragrance for the rest of her life.

He charged at her, trapping her petite frame in between his own body and the wall behind, momentarily both of them were lost at the proximity but he snapped back,"Its none of your concern!"

"We are married" she spoke fast as blandly as she could before his proximity made her stammer. His proximity had always fazed her, and it was no different this time, even in this hatred, she knew, he affected her. She hated herself for it!

"Only to the world, we are" He held her in place with a vice like grip, his eyes bore into hers almost challenging her to respond, his gaze had an intensity that she matched with her own fiery hold, "Till we are together, I expect you to respect the sanctity of marriage" His grip loosened momentarily, was this woman for real sprouting nonsense like this? And she had the gall to say such things, after being so vicious and goading a married man to break his vows!

"That's rich coming from you", he pushed her deeper into the wall. Their bodies now flush, even through this thick veil of hatred that surrounded them; they could both feel that spark of sorts which was creating an uncomfortable sizzle and threatened to come forth.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she tried wriggle out of his grip, "Let me go!" All her struggles were in vain as he overpowered her by his strength. This was not his finest hour, one act amongst many that he would regret for a long time to come, afterwards.

Instead his grip tightened, she was pretty sure, and his fingers were imprinted on her forearms by now. That's how much they stung, it was then that Khushi saw something in his eyes, she hadn't seen before, it was pure hatred, one that unnerved her to the core of her being. Why did he hate her so much? What had she done?

"Look Mr. Raizada, till the time we are married, I expect you to be ..."

"Loyal?" He let go of her.

"Yes" she nodded desperately trying to hold her own.

"What if I refuse?" he was back towering above her again. Khushi closed her eyes to regain some composure, "Then I too am free to do the same. We are in this together"

He could have sworn the rage that cursed through him at those words scared him greatly, so he had to get away from Khushi. He got hold of the crystal vase next to the wall and threw it on the deck. He had to break something, needed to break something to let out the anger that had surged through him at those words, and a crystal vase was better than snapping her neck!

"If you, as much as try to go back to..." he pointed out to her but could not say it out loud, "Try something like that and I'll make sure, your sister disappears off the face of the planet"

She shot him an angry glare, "That's not what I asked for" Khushi was adamant, she had nothing more to lose anymore and that gave her an explicable strength, "I will honor my commitment to you" she spoke softly, he turned around surprised,"For the next six months", she added, "The question is, will you?"

"Fine" he walked out to the poolside avoiding the broken crystal that lay on the floor, much like their lives at the moment, broken into irreconcilable pieces! 

Khushi slid down the wall and for the second time that day tears streamed down her face. It hurt, and how! She wasn't sure, which hurt more, the physical or the emotional aspect. But she felt weary and tired of all this emotional disconnect. And yet she knew, she could not afford to break down. She was stronger than this!

When he turned around distracted out his thoughts by her loud sobs, all he saw were the bruises on her arms. "F***!" he cursed himself; he had been too rough with her, yet again! He had never lost control like this before not with any other woman before. Arnav raised his hand in acknowledgement, and wanted to frame an apology but the words refused to budge. He knew he had used strength to overpower her; it didn't make him feel any good. She starred at him, a little scared, a little scarred, bruised on her soul ... and knew an apology was not coming forth, not from this beast, it was not. Besides she was in no mood to forgive either, this had already got too far. But this man had a way of surprising her, and he did exactly that when he raised both his hands in the air rather helplessly, in an act of surrender to this awkward situation he had brought upon themselves, "I'm sorry, that was out of line" he spoke out gently, for the first time in hours surprising her."It…this…" pointing at the broken vase, "won't happen again but don't push me. This is a sham marriage so there will be absolutely no pretenses there. But I do agree, outside this door, we will be a model of domestic bliss. You have my word."

Not ready to let him go yet, she got up and walked over to him, "Why did you marry me. I need to know"

He walked out ignoring her completely. Arnav wasn't ready to answer her yet. But she needed to know at any cost.