Part 3

Part 3

Sometimes you don't really know how much something means to you until you know by some weird twist of fate, you lose that thing. You learn to value things only once they are gone. Sadly for most, it's too late by then.

Life had never been a bed of roses for Arnav or his sister, on the contrary, it had been a nightmare of sorts, and well the first half anyway was full of too much angst, pain and drama. They had somehow survived all of those horrible things and had come out relatively unscathed, that was till you scratched the surface. But still, given the circumstances that they were forced to grow up in, they came out admirably. But still, it was a given, that the past was going to play a nasty almost a vicious role in shaping their personalities and their outlook in general, and make them pay in ways they wouldn't have ever anticipated.

And pay they both did. He turned out to be too cynical of people, their intentions and aloof to emotions, almost like he hid that boy of fourteen somewhere in his broken heart, sheltered from the world; fearful that something would hurt him again and leave him in tatters. So he shut everything and everyone out, except those that were his strength. His family, his sister, whom he was naturally very protective of! That was all.

Anjali on the other hand had grown up having a very low self esteem of herself and over protected, almost never exposed to the rough weather after that fateful day. That was till she had married five years ago, to a man who seemed to shower so much affection on her that it always made Arnav a little uncomfortable but given how happy his sister looked, he was happy. She was slowly coming into her own, he could sense, and he was glad, Shyam had brought joy back to her life.

So given all that history, he had no way of predicting his own reaction when he saw Khushi in Shyam's arms, asking him almost urging him to divorce her? He had been shocked, stupefied and livid. For the most part, he had lost his power to think. And had committed the biggest mistake of his life; yes, forcing Khushi to get married to him. Arnav had gone through this a million times since Khushi had left him after their contract marriage was nearing its last few days following yet another of his outbursts, and yet there was no real fix to this mess. He knew he had been mean, and had bordered on insane at times but she had just vanished without a trace! He had never in his wildest dreams thought that she would actually leave him at the end of the six months. Sure he hadn't really thought things through but the end of the six month deal was always hazy, and letting go of her never really seemed like a viable option to him except the night he had married her. Yet he knew, keeping her tied to him in a loveless marriage wasn't the solution either but over the course of the six months, things had not added up. Quite simply did not make sense and then there were times when the hatred slipped far beyond either of their reaches, and he knew what he saw reflected in those eyes were anything but hatred. But things were complicated. Or he just made everything so, he wasn't quite sure.

Every time though, his thoughts converged at one point, why did he marry her in that mad rush? He never bothered to answer this because in his mind, he had the answer; it was to save his sister's marriage by virtue of some twisted logic. But something inside him had always known that wasn't the truth in entirely. And until he acknowledged that to its fullest, he was never going to arrive at a happy place. Which is basically what he did for the most part of his short lived married life, he fought with his inner self, and unfortunately the cynical man of twenty-eight won over that caged boy of fourteen; Arnav lost, which meant most of the times Khushi was at the receiving end. So when Khushi walked out on him, on his riches and supposedly the love of her life, Shyam ... it was like the blow he needed. It jolted him and it hurt him, hurt him so bad he went crazy for a few days. It bordered on anger, insanity, denial and then a gradual chipping away of his ego till there was nothing left but an agonizing void in his life, the same space that she had occupied. He knew the answer then, it was too late. She was gone. And she had taken an inexplicable part of him along as well.

"Sir, we are at Shantivan. Should I take your luggage up?" Mohan's voice was like a soft whisper almost bordering on the feminine. He hated it.

Arnav looked up from the bills he was supposed to be going through on the way from the airport; obviously his thoughts had taken him elsewhere. He closed the file, marking his sister's credit card bills that he needed to come back to.

"I'll take them upstairs" It was HP this time.

Arnav stopped momentarily as he saw the glum faces of his family when he entered the house, HP who was following closely behind with his luggage walked right into him. May be it was the weariness of the travel or just the pensive air around him, he chose to overlook the slight indiscretion and smiled half-heatedly as his Nani greeted him, "How was the fashion show Anrav?"

"The same", he loosened the tie and walked into the living room, "OP get me a real strong coffee will you?"

"Welcome back Chote", his Di ambled in, with a pooja thali and greeted him with a genuinely warm smile; "I thought you weren't coming back till tomorrow. Is everything alright?"

He didn't really like people questioning him or his actions mostly because he found them intrusive and that they served no point in reality. He had always done what he wanted so it really didn't make much sense to him in any case. But there were always exceptions to every rule; for now it was just Di. He studied her smile intently, he was happy because that smile in her face was genuine, he had not seen her as happy as she had been the past few months, ever since her divorce had come through. She was in a happier place, he could see.

And his Di always took advantage of her place in his life; he knew where this series of questions would eventually lead to. Just like she had been hinting the past few months, he had noted, it was all headed towards marriage!

"Chote!" she brought him out of his thoughts, "You look tired"

"Nothing", He averted his gaze away from the prying eyes of his sister.

"Is Lavanya back too?" She asked him again.

He nodded.

"I heard she was really good", It was Nani this time.

"She's good at what she does... She is a thorough professional" He answered almost mechanically.

"I can't believe it's the same Ms. Kashyap" Nani quipped taking Arnav by surprise, was this same person who looked down upon Lavanya all those years ago. It was beginning to affect him, all of this.

"I guess it's only the lucky few who learn from their mistakes" Nani added.

"Let's not go there again Nani, please" And he simply walked away throwing the tie on the sofa.

Arnav walked into his empty room and threw phone on the bed. And soon enough, the empty room clawed his mind; it was the same every single time. The silence that he had once so fondly claimed to have enjoyed ate away at his mind now, he missed the noise, the clamor, the nonsense, the hanging stars, the stupid poster on the wall, the annoying wind chime, the cluster of fairy lights on her side of the bed, and most of all, the clatter, her nonstop bad bak...the sounds of her payal. And he missed her, Khushi. He closed his eyes almost as if he was trying to feel her presence there. There was no space in his life that she had not taken to; her memories were a constant reminder of the one thing he had failed at. 

"Chotte" the low knock on his door, brought him out of his reverie, he opened his eyes to see his sister with a cup of coffee walk in and sit on the bed beside him.

"Are you okay?"

He did not answer.

"We had something we wanted to talk to you about Chote", she finally summoned up enough courage to say those things, he looked as her curiously.

"Its this" , it was all over Page three again, pictures of him and Lavanya from last night at Sheesh Mahal. He sighed.

"May be its time you..."

He stood up abruptly snatching those papers, "This is all crap Di. We are just friends"

"Then may be its time you consider if there will be anything more" She said flatly without a trace of emotion, when he looked back at her with narrowed eyes, she continued ignoring the fury that was clearly building up in his face, "I meant, may be its time you move on in life chotte, it's been three years! You cannot be alone forever"

"Di please, not that again. I don't believe in marriages and besides, I could say the same thing to you too!" she teared up right away, he always hated how women could do that; both Khushi and Di were adept with that skill and it worked every single time, "I'm sorry Di, I didn't mean it like that. Stop crying, will you!"

"So you don't want to get married again?" She asked even as she wiped those tears away. 

He got up abruptly almost as if he was trying to get away from his thoughts "Again? I'm already married" and walked over to the poolside. She slowly walked over to him and turned him around so that he was facing her, "I only want to see you happy... and settled in life"

He sighed, "And it's not with Lavanya"

"So there is nothing between the two of you?"

He smiled, "what are you trying to do?"

"I just don't want Lavanya to get her hopes up a second time"

"The decision to call off our engagement was mutual di. We both did what was best for us. It's been a long time since then but there is no scope for any misunderstanding there, "

"Is there someone else then?" she asked again. He stared at her in disbelief, "I'm done answering for one day!"

"They go to trash now" Anjali picked up the discarded papers off the floor before throwing the first curve ball of the day that completely surprised Arnav, "It means happiness"

"What the...?" he had her full attention almost immediately even though he was desperately trying to pretend otherwise.

"Khushi..." she studied the reaction on her brother's face at the mention of her, "Your wife's name...do you realize this is the first time, you've said you are married..."

He defied adamantly, "No its not. I've..." She cut him off, "That you've actually meant it too..."

She was about to turn away when he stopped her, "Do you think she is happy now?" He asked helplessly, she noted the honesty in his voice.

"What do you think?"

"She couldn't even do one thing properly...she was scared of the dark...of speed...I wish I..." She watched him fondly, "Then may be its time you found out?"

"What do you mean?" he asked with a hint of nervous anticipation.

"I have something that you may want to see. Wait here, I'll be right back"

The next five minutes felt like the longest five minutes of his life. She handed him a bulky sealed envelope when she returned, "She wanted you to have this..."

"She?"

"Khushiji..."

The shock on his face was evident, "Then why now... and not before?"

"When the time was right... Good night Chotte, I'll shut the door on my way out" He was beginning to think may be his assumptions were not too far off the mark, Di wasn't asking the wrong questions earlier, he reasoned, she was asking all the right ones!

He stood there starring at the envelope.