Part 14

Arnav barged into the kitchen, and sought her out, stopping right behind her, Khushi unaware as she stood with her back turned to him lost in the thoughts of Arnavji.

“Employer...really Khushi?” his hoarse voice startled her triggering a mini-panic attack as she struggled to decide whether to turn back or not, but there was no running away anymore Khushi realized; so she took a deep breath and turned around only to bump right into him. He had her trapped between his body and the kitchen counter, his hands on either side, there was no way in hell he was letting her go this time. This infuriated her no ends, had this man not changed one bit?

Khushi pushed him back with all her strength, “I was your contracted wife, wasn’t I?”

Arnav staggered back physically but it was her words that unsettled him more; words that cut through his cloak of arrogance and sarcasm searing through to where it hurt the most – he wasn’t as immune to emotion as he had convinced himself to be. Because nothing could have possibly hurt him more than Khushi walking out, at least he had believed so except for her words now – the truth, and nothing but the truth, and it wasn’t pleasant at all, he swallowed hard “Don’t make it sound so cheap”

“Ha!” she sneered at the incredulity of his words, “You can’t deny the truth… it is what it is”

“That’s all it was?” for a brief moment Khushi was taken in by the honesty in his voice and those questioning eyes that were seeking answers she did not have. The hurt came through because there was no mistaking that voice. Khushi understood those understated mannerisms, all too familiar to her like the lines on her palm and she could recognize that honesty when it started back at her through those eyes, this was one such moment.

But she wouldn’t be swayed anymore because there was also this other side to him, which had the penchant to hurt her more, so she was firm, “It doesn’t matter anymore…” her response was very matter of fact devoid of any perceptible emotion, “It’s all the past now…why are you even here?”Their eyes met as she asked the question, his response was immediate – you don’t know? which was conveyed through a silence that descended briefly and left as quickly. Khushi wasn’t ready to pay heed to him yet so she ignored his musings and turned around, picked up the wooden spoon and began to stir the simmering sauce as if it was the most natural thing to do - she needed a reprieve from his proximity, those eyes and a moment to compose herself, “I have to get this ready” If she was hoping to get him off her back so easily, she was gravely mistaken!

“Look at me when I’m talking to you”, he never liked it when she did this, and only Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada had the audacity to turn her back to him, if only she knew, if only he did too.

Obviously she wasn’t going to comply so easily “I’m already running late…”she reached for the condiments.

“I see…” he inched closer to her, “I’m not going anywhere…Khushi” there was a marked silence as the aroma of the freshly cooked tomato sauce spread in the air, his eyes were focused on her hand movements as she sprinkled dried basil and gently stirred it, “Do as you please…” and she royally ignored the man standing behind her for a good few minutes, she knew he was ticking time bomb that would give way anytime soon. She was not wrong because it did not take long for him to lose that patience his voice slightly stern, “Khushi …” he called and yet she did not flinch, “look at me when I’m talking to you” his voice got progressively impatient and loud, exactly the kind of thing that always ticked off something in her. The last thing she wanted was to create a scene at her new work place! “He has no right to be here after everything…”she mumbled to herself, “Did you say something?” he asked as he inched closer still.

Having decided that he had no right to barge in there and tell her what to do, Khushi wanted to get him out of the kitchen before things turned ugly, “This is not your house Mr. Raizada, I am not…” she closed her eyes drawing strength but still could not bring herself to say it, and to verbalize it would be akin to acknowledgement at some level, she didn’t even want to remember that, “We are not together anymore…and so much has happened, you have changed, I have changed…”

He butted right in not letting her complete, “Nothing’s really changed Khushi…”you are still the same. You are still hiding yourself from me because you know; your eyes will give you away. Look at me tell me that you don’t c…” he checked himself, “Look at me and tell me nothing matters…I won’t believe it otherwise”

“Fine”, she spun around right away pointing the wooden spoon at him, “I HAVE changed” with extra emphasis on the word have, “And yes it does not matter anymore. There happy?” she looked at him squarely in his eyes hoping that would douse his misconceptions.

Arnav smiled; gosh he had missed this woman! If only he could take her in his arms and kiss her, he wouldn’t need all this talking to prove that she cared, Arnav zapped out lost in his own thoughts as his eyes took in what they could, the wait had been too long – and now that she was so near and yet so, so far away!

Khushi snapped him awake, “What are you smiling about?” She was getting annoyed at his unpredictability.

Could she not feel the drops of pasta sauce sprayed on her forehead, Arnav mused silently as he moved forward to wipe it away but she put her hand up halting him, “Please…don’t” and took a step back increasing the distance between them.

“What’s done is done, we cannot change it” and that emotionless voice was back, “ But…don’t you see its better this way” hinting at the distance between them, “We are both better for it…”

He sighed, “I see that…” he took his own sweet time to loosen the tie around his neck, his eyes focused on her all the while, “you’ve changed…Khushi!” he added thoughtfully to her great relief, “Finally!” but he wasn’t done yet, and he deliberately took forever between words holding on to particularly nothing making her wait with long drawn out pauses between words, “Wines…flirting with idiots…cooking in an italian kitchen…that’s some change” They had a lot to talk about but he was bugged, partly by jealousy and mostly by Khushi’s aloofness, Where had all the chirpiness gone?

Khushi’s response to his jibe was more reactive than she would have liked, “I will do what I want to…”

“Really?...so you are telling me, this is everyday thing for you?” he looked around the kitchen as if he was trying to locate something “ And not because you wanted to prove people wrong?” he walked over and picked up the half empty wine bottle from the table nearby.

“You think everything revolves around you. Well guess what Mr. Raizada things have changed…sooner you get that, better for you” Khushi tried to anticipate his next move but this was just bizarre, what was he trying to do, she wondered as she followed his movements closely.

She would have loved nothing more than to wipe that smirk off his face, “Fine then…here”  Arnav poured the wine onto an empty glass, “Why don’t you finish this up too?” and raised an eyebrow, “What was that your friend said out there, sip, swirl…ahh what the hell..” and he offered her the glass after playfully swirling it, “This should do it just as well…”

“Why should I, just because you tell me to?” she crossed her arms over her chest defiantly.

“See I was right…” he smiled victoriously, “You are still the old Khushi, trying to do the right thing…  still totally clueless and oblivious to what people are trying to do… to you ” he was insinuating about Raul, Khushi knew, “And so, still the same”

Her response was more hopeful than anything else, “I do what I want to…I’ll drink if I want to…when I want to…and I’ll flirt with whoever I want to… it does not concern you”

“Hell it doesn’t, you are my wife” he moved towards her blocking her way, “Was…I WAS…not anymore” she corrected him instantly, “Was…?” he repeated after her and it took a good few seconds for it to register, when it did – he had a hard time suppressing a chuckle, apparently Mrs. Raizada was under false illusions, that tiny truth could wait for another day, he made a quick decision. For now he had a different concern, “So you won’t drink?” he placed the glass on the counter, convinced at his own observation, “See I told you, you are still the same. Just saying things doesn’t make it real…hollow claims will always be hollow”

“I’m not” and she took the glass and drank it completely in one go, this was her third glass in an empty stomach, in a very short while the world would start to spin for her but for now the rush was keeping her up.  “And impulsive still…” he spoke more to himself as he watched her down that glasses in one go.

Khushi handed him the empty glass back triumphantly, “See, I take my own decisions…” her words were firm but her steps were wobbly, slightly. And in that moment of silliness that she would come to regret the very next day, her hands nearly knocked off the simmering pot of pasta sauce behind her, “Careful” his words were laced with genuine concern as he leapt forward reflexively pushing Khushi out of harm’s way, “That would have hurt” he spoke gently as he steadied the pot.

Completely taken by surprise by his reaction, she stood motionless as she starred at him, one of those fleeting instances when the mask had slipped and the man stood bare as he was; her eyes screamed out loud where words had failed, you can see that but not the pain I carry with me? 

Arnav looked up from the counter only to see that all too familiar pair of eyes now forlorn staring back at him, like they saw through everything, cut through the pretence, the walls and the façade; it was an unnerving experience for him. It made him feel vulnerable, not something Arnav Singh Raizada was used to feeling very often. And he knew exactly what she was thinking, her eyes were questioning him – and answers he had none. At that moment, he noticed things he had not seen before, like the faint lines of worry, the weary look devoid of any sparkle – they held him hostage silently.

 “Khushi…” his hands involuntarily went towards her hand but she stepped back increasing the distance between them, “Please…” her words were restricted to a minimum, her voice was soft no doubt still reeling from everything. Both retreated back to a silence as an uneasiness spread through the air, nothing had changed, both knew; it was like they were stuck in a time warp.

And then it changed, “Tum Theek ho Khushi?” he wasn’t sure what he referred to but knew it had been long coming, that’s all he wanted to know, he didn’t want to fight or play any more games, or hurt her again. And for a change, for the first time that evening, he finally managed to say one right thing. And it surprised them both, not only because it was honest but because it meant more than so many other things, and it brought back memories. As the images from the past flooded her senses, Khushi struggled to fight those tears, to contain them; and he noticed – Please don’t cry, he wanted to say but the words did not materialize.

“Khushi…” he called out again only to see her retreat back further.

“Khushi, is everything right?” It was the voice of Mrs. Silvio, who had been observing their encounter from a distance, which startled them both out of their misery.

"Is everything aright son?" Mrs. Silvio looked at Arnav, who stared back blankly.

"We start serving dinner in ten minutes Khushi…let’s get ready" she looked at Arnav thoughtfully one more time before heading her way.

Only if Arnav would move out of the way could Khushi begin to go about her work, at this moment he was literally in between. And still adamant, "Khushi..." he tried to reach out to her one more time, only to be pushed away by her words, "Please don't create a scene here" Khushi asked of him “I need to get this done” she let out a tired sigh,” Will you …” Khushi signaled him to get out of the way but he didn’t budge. So she requested him politely, "I work here...please go outside and take your seat" and he found himself heeding to her words, shaken by the strange tonality of it. But try as he might, he couldn’t stop the despondency from spreading through his veins; this encounter had left him drained.

“Who was he?” Mrs. Silvio asked a clearly troubled Khushi taking her by surprise, “I hope he was not bothering you”

To her credit, Khushi did not beat about the bush, “We were married”

“Oh…” she had no idea, this was the man. Mrs. Silvio knew bits and pieces of Khushi’s story but even after witnessing what she just had a few moments’ ago, couldn’t have guessed that this was him, “He was the one that let you go?”with uber shock writ large on her face, Mrs. Silvio sought confirmation.

Khushi nodded, “Fool” Mrs. Silvio declared and came forward to hug her, “You handled yourself admirably back there then…you should be proud of yourself” and smiled at her indulgently, “Cheer up will you” forcing a faint smile from Khushi, “Although I have to say, he seems to know more than you think”

And when Khushi frowned in concern, Mrs. Silvio allayed those fears the best way she could, “Shrewd but still a fool no doubt, to let you go!” and wiped the pasta sauce from her forehead, “Let’s get things ready” Her warmth was infections, Khushi was grateful.

~~~

Arnav dragged himself out of the kitchen still reeling from everything, lost in the moment colored by her voice so new, and Khushi so different. As he joined the table, it was hard for him to ignore everything that had just happened.

“Arnav, did you know Raul works in a vineyard in Sienna. I was there last there. It’s a beautiful place” Natasha lured him into the conversation, “You don’t get it do you?” she knew straight away looking at his confused face, “We’ll talk about this later” and gave him a half smile.

Arnav wasn’t paying any attention to her words; he wanted nothing more than this dinner to be over so he could whisk his wife away, from this crowd, from Raul and them both from all prying eyes.