Part 17

The car ride was as expected quiet. Every now and then Arnav’s eyes would dart towards Khushi sitting on the passenger seat and in the process also manage to catch hold of that disapproving glare that emanated like two fire-balls hounding him from the back seat. For the first five minutes, his heart had been pounding so loudly against his chest that Arnav was certain everyone in the car heard it, then the next few had ticked by with him trying to find an appropriate word to break this uneasy silence but words were hard to fish by. So, that nagging silence persisted.

Khushi on the other hand was no less nervy. To begin with, she found it utterly humiliating to have been found caught in that circumstance wearing his clothes and waking up in his bed. What was she thinking, she wasn’t a drinker, not even a social one by any means, alcohol meant trouble and losing control, both of which she could least afford at this point in her life. Quite simply put, Khushi was disappointed in herself. For so many things, like the fact that first up instead of feeling angry she had noticed him, him as he had stared unabashedly at her; while last night had been the case of too much too soon – the shock too real but this morning despite the fact that it shouldn’t have happened could have been different! When he had walked in on them earlier, she had noticed things which only annoyed her; the subsequent outburst had been more about self-defense than anything else. Now that she looked back, she hated how everything panned out, that outburst meant one thing that she hadn’t moved on as she had hoped. It wasn’t a proud realization.

As she sat quietly going over things and he drove, his eyes fixed on the road ahead, her eyes drifted to him and those little things came to the fore much to her chagrin. That stubble felt more like an ungainly beard, the faraway look in his eyes and those dark circles below made him look tired, like he hadn’t slept in a while and he looked scrawny too, anorexic that word sprang up in her mind; Arnavji didn’t look too great. It shouldn’t have bugged her but it did.

She didn’t realize when she sighed in frustration, he turned to her instantly almost like he was attuned to her every move, “Did you say something?” She stared back at those eyes she knew too well, and for a moment – too fleeting and inexplicably short, they faltered. Khushi averted her eyes right away, “No” He was hurt by her cold response, by her earlier outburst – her harsh words had been yet another eye-opener following his conversation with Aakash the night before and suddenly he wasn’t sure what to say to make things easier. It was a strange this helplessness – like his first tryst with ordinariness. The mighty ASR had absolutely no idea how to make things right.

Already pushed to the edge by everything else, his words, dropping you home, had snapped something in her.

“Dropping you home?” he saw the fury rise in those eyes as they charged at him saying things he did not want to hear, “You have not changed, have you?” an inexplicable rage surged in those eyes, “You think you can just force people all the time?” fiery, angry…hurt, he could see all of that and even those unshed tears that she was struggling to keep out, “No Khushi…” he walked a few paces towards her, “I… let me explain…” but she wasn’t listening, “You can’t do this to me again…” She didn’t even give an opening and then dealt him the cruelest blow, “Can’t you see, I don’t want to be with you” for the first time, Arnav realized the power of words as he stood stunned at this verbal onslaught, “You make me miserable” Did he really? He was sure he staggered back at the impact of those words. He stared back at her stumped and hurt, more than ever… her eyes averted instantly almost like she had regretted those words but he wouldn’t know, her face didn’t give anything away except immense disgust! Khushi didn’t look him in the eye after that, instead she called out to her shell-shocked friend, “Let’s go home”

But you are home! Arnav wanted to tell her, yell at her, and hug her, calm her down, make her understand. But there was none of that.

“Like that?” Deeya had expressive eyes.

That’s when he had scampered with panic to bring her clothes back; he didn’t need her hopping mad. Khushi had refused to take it from him and grudgingly he had to place it on the bed while she stared at the empty wall refusing to even look at him, “I’ll be outside” and with that he had shut the door on them. He had to drag himself away from her.

That defeated feeling was back as he recalled her words; Arnav knew this was going to be hard. It had taken a lot of coaxing from Deeya to get Khushi to accept his offer to drive them back home – her home not theirs… it felt as if someone had twisted a knife in his gut. Khushi had stood stubbornly outside his apartment trying to hail a cab or an auto for close to twenty-minutes before relenting.

~~~

Khushi was still reeling, occupied in thoughts of earlier.

“Deeya? What is going on here?” Khushi asked rattled,“You threw up in his car” Deeya replied, “Kya…?”Khushi turned to look at Arnav, “What was I doing in his car?”

“Ask him?” Deeya gave him a cold stare, “When I got there, I saw you in his car nearly passed out. So I joined the party. You threw up in his car mid-way and we had to change you when you got here”

“We?” no this had to be her worst nightmare, “Oh..." Deeya waved her hands dramatically in the air, "He just provided the clothes”

These? She looked down at herself. How convenient! Not that it made Khushi feel any better. She needed to lash out at him or break something, how dare he just barge back in her life like that?

“What was I doing in your car?”

“Dropping you home!?” That snapped something in her and what followed had been an outburst Deeya did not know her friend was capable of.

~~~

“We’re here” it was Deeya whose voice broke the silence in the car, “We’re home” the emphasis on the word home not lost on Arnav who looked back at Deeya through the mirror. This time, there was no anger in his eyes.

Arnav panicked and turned to Khushi, and it turns out she had done the same, and for a second time their eyes locked, “Khushi…I” he had barely said before he noticed her struggle with the seat-belt.

“Let me help…” he moved closer only to be pushed away coldly, “No!” she tensed straight away, and jerked her hands up motioning him to stop – “You’ve done enough…” he watched her with horror as she unclasped the seat-belt and got off the car.

But he couldn’t just let her walk away like this, so he followed her only to be stopped at the gate by Deeya, “Where do you think you are going?”

“We need to talk…Khushi” he called out to her.

“This is a Girl’s Hostel! You can’t go in” the words were out before she could check herself, “Damn!” Deeya closed her eyes annoyed at herself. She knew she was intruding but a part of her wanted to help her friend too.

Khushi stopped a few paces ahead on the threshold of the gate no doubt cued in to the conversation, he pleaded, “Khushi…just hear me out” but she didn’t turn back, “Fine run away…” a hint of frustration and anger crept up in his voice despite the restraint he had been exercising all morning, “That’s what you know best…” words he regretted right away but it was too late because she had heard and he had hit a nerve, “What do you want?” Khushi turned around abruptly taking him by surprise.

Arnav shifted uneasily, and looked at Deeya, why was she still here?

Deeya was smart enough to understand the undercurrents, she walked over to her friend, “Khushi…” placing her hand on her shoulder reassuringly, “It’s okay Deeya, I’ll be fine” Khushi was staring at Arnav, “Are you sure?” Deeya sought confirmation again and this time Khushi turned to her, “Please give us a minute, will you?”

Once she was gone, Khushi looked up at him; finally it was them – jus the two of them, “What do you want to say?”

“I…erm..” he fumbled shocked at the intensity of emotions that flickered in her eyes, “I ….we have…”

“You have two minutes Mr. Raizada” the chill that went down his spine at those words, Mr. Raizada, was unmistakable. With that one word, she had shown him where he stood in her life.

He couldn’t recognize this woman who stood in front of him, wearing that black suit– cold and indifferent. Where was the color, joy, warmth, mirth, laughter that emanated from those eyes – where was that impish smile that adorned her lips or the incessant chants ofDevi Maiyaa Rakshya Karna, where was the Khushi he knew? Who was this person? He stared without blinking; he had so much to say but words defied him, as always, the man of very few words, struggled.

It was then he saw it – as she waited for him to say something – he saw her. The girl that had landed in his arms scared and gripped in fear as he had locked her up in that dark room at Sheesh Mahal and nearly abused her – he grimaced. The same girl that he had dropped off from his first floor cabin, the girl he had repeatedly sent in harm’s way – first to the dilapidated guest house where her gut wrenching scream still haunted his sleep, then the cold rainy night at the parking lot or all those times he had hurt her with words – words sharper than any other barbs. Words he now knew hurt more than he thought they could. Arnav stared unblinking, unable to out words together not sure where to begin; he wasn’t sure what was going on as she stood there waiting for him to say something – all his thoughts converging to moments he had tormented her in ways unimaginable, the list seemed endless and suddenly words seemed so futile. What could he possibly say to allay that much hurt, sorry? Would that suffice?

“I’m waiting…” Khushi waited impatiently glancing at her watch every now and then and yet, Arnav could only stare, what was he supposed to say, “I…” but he didn’t know where to begin. And before he knew it, he heard her voice amidst all that chaos in his head,“Your time is up Mr. Raizada” with that Khushi turned around and walked away from him as he stood rooted at the spot cocooned in silence.

Khushi had seen the play of emotion in his eyes noting especially this helplessness that she had not seen before. And in an instant, the same helplessness had given way to something she never wanted to see in his eyes again. She was unable to decipher whether that was fear or guilt. Despite everything she had gone through, that they had been through she did not like what she saw flicker in his eyes as she walked away. Who was this man that stood before her?

She had expected him to shout at her, drag her or push her – scream at her but he had done nothing. And she should have been glad except she wasn’t! It was wrong she knew, he was wrong, so why had she walked away feeling so dejected? Her mind was a muddle.

The first thing she did when she came to her room was walk to the window hoping she was wrong but he was still there rooted to the same spot lost in his thoughts, unblinking and dazed. She closed the curtains, walked to the closet and took out fresh clothes, “Khushi?” Deeya stopped her, “Are you?”

“I’m good Deeya” her expressions betrayed her words though, “I need to freshen up” and when Deeya stared back with concern, “It’s Sunday. Mrs. Malik must be waiting for me” Khushi was behaving as if nothing had happened, as if all this was normal, and Deeya knew that was not normal.

Arnav didn’t know how long he’d stood there starring at nothing until his thoughts were broken by the loud shrill of his cell phone.

Part 16

Dreams are like windows to the soul

~oOo~

Teri meri, meri teri Prem kahani hai mushqil
Do lafzon mein yeh bayaan na ho paaye

Aaa...

Tumse dil jo lagaya toh jahaan maine paaya
Kabhi socha na tha yun meelon door hoga saaya
Kyun khuda tune mujhe aisa khwaab dikhaya
Jab haqiqat mein usey todna tha

~oOo~

She swayed hypnotically …dancing to the devil’s tunes as those strong arms twirled her around…his touch soft and gentle, their hands outstretched… faces hidden by the darkness like a velvety drape over a satiny enclave… the words floating in silence…unspoken yet etched in those eyes - one furtive, curious and uncertain…starring back at the molten caramel… drinking in the soft, dark and the mysterious, inviting orbs… ever so tempting – challenging as they drew her close…  twirling her … each turn…bringing her closer…invading her senses…the musk exclusively his…raw and just him … that intense incense drowning her further as their proximity grew …till she came crashing down on his hard sculpted form…like it was meant to be… meshed into one dark silhouette to all prying eyes… the music completely drowned out by their own defiant hearts that drummed in joy…the audience all but a blur…a blip that had long ceased to exist…it was just them…and that moment…their eyes locked in this duel…till his eyes dropped sinfully to her lips… their bodies pressed together…and his hands gently stroked her back…sending her dizzying down that pit of sin…unable to stop… this frenzy that had descended and scooped her along…she kept clinging on to him like vines to a tree... like how it was meant to be… voices that warned her to turn around, and run  but there was no escaping those fiery eyes…then for a moment…his hands stilled, the torment had ceased, had they?…until…he turned her around…bringing her closer… shamelessly… further into him…sinking… his fleeting touches on her waist…  teasing…tantalizing….warm…carving a sinuous burning path where they trailed …like a master magician strumming the right notes…igniting a fire within her… This had to stop…she reasoned briefly but it was a losing battle…and she knew nothing more…as his fingers grazed her here…there…and she finally gave in…surrendering…trembling…as his breath kissed her cheeks…his hands tightened their hold…until the blinding light from nowhere came crashing down…

~oOo~

Khushi woke up breathing heavily and with a racing heart clearly discomforted by the bright lights. In sudden horror, her hands moved to her waist…as if seeking re-confirmation, it was a dream! Instant relief washed over her and she placed her left palm over her heart trying to steady it, just a dream…just a dream; she kept repeating, just a dream! And slowly the molten caramel faded back into the same darkness as normalcy took over. She blinked her eyes trying to adjust to the bright sunlight streaming into the room, its effects accentuated as it reflected off the white walls and spread everywhere bathing the room in an ethereal glow – all that brightness coupled with the mild headache didn’t make things easy. And it wasn’t till she stretched her body lazily in that comfortable bed – that she felt something different. Alarmed by her internal trigger, Khushi came out of that drunken sluggishness right away. She knew something was off because it not only felt different, it was different! Her eyes snapped open starring at the ceiling intently – the hairline crack on the plastered ceiling was missing, the grey – creaky ceiling fan was missing - this was not her room! And panic set in.

She stayed put though inside the covers holding on to the white duvet partly immobilized by shock as her eyes further scanned the unfamiliar space taking in the abnormality of it all. The panic increased with every new detail. It didn’t subside till she saw Deeya sleeping on a couch at the far end of the room “What the!”

Relaxing slightly, she called out to her friend, “Deeya…?” not getting through at the first attempt “Deeya!!” louder slightly but enough for Deeya to blink and stare back, “What happened to our room?” Khushi asked her friend who was finally looking at her, “What happened to your bed?” and when Deeya did not answer, “Why is there so much sunlight in our room” Khushi shielded her eyes using her left hand “normally we only get the evening sun”, then it struck her – with that sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach, Khushi slowly gathered herself, and raised herself on her elbows to look around the room – it most definitely was not their little hostel room! She jerked and sat up on the bed, hands on her head – horror writ large on her face, “Where are we?” seeking answers desperately.

“You don’t remember anything?” Deeya looked more amused than shocked when Khushi shook her head in the negative, “Not even how you got into those?” Deeya asked pointing at the shirt.

The revelation from last night playing heavily on his mind, Arnav’s restlessness was understandable; and his biggest worry at this point was Khushi, how would she react? Not surprisingly, he had been pacing outside his room for the past hour, deliberating whether to walk in or not. He would have had it not been for one pesky friend, with her there, it just did not seem appropriate. So for the umpteenth time that morning, Arnav walked up to the closed door, wanting to barge in but stalled as his hands touched the cold metallic knob, “I shouldn’t”

It was no different this time as he decided against walking in, deeming it inappropriate and turned around poised to walk back; only to halt when he heard voices from within the room, and one of them was unmistakably hers! Khushi was up! With excitement that was hard to explain, he moved closer to the door only to recognize that distress in her voice, “Oh my! Where are we?”

Khushi was up starring at her clothes in sheer disbelief, “Whose?” Deeya didn’t have the heart to tell her anything so kept mum, “What is going on here? Where are we? What happened to my clothes?”

She didn’t remember anything! “Perfect” he mumbled mentally preparing himself for the inevitable onslaught. He felt something amiss in her reaction though he couldn’t figure out what exactly that was.

“Deeya….where are my clothes?” Khushi narrowed her eyes at her friend expecting some answers “I was at work…and I called you cause it was late…but how?” Terribly confused Khushi looked around the room, as she stood on the middle of the bed unable to make sense of anything, “Where are we?”

Deeya stared at her friend, not exactly sure where to begin, crap this was going to be hard, she thought.

On the other hand, Arnav had had enough, so he barged in – screw the little chit, I own this place, “You are in my room…” he could barely say before he was zapped into silence. For the third time, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada had rendered Arnav Singh Raizada speechless. And he stared, like any man caught in that position would – his eyes wandered relishing every bit of what he saw, it had been too long, and this felt like an oasis in the middle of the desert to a parched man. Khushi wearing those oversized clothes, his to be more precise standing on top of the bed like she owned the place - he couldn’t stop himself from starring because she looked quite simply adorable, her hair in a mess, those smudged kohl lined eyes, and that absolute shock plastered on her face as she saw him, the lips that formed that O.

It happened so fast that it didn’t register right away but when it did she gulped hard; first as she saw him – Arnavji then as she heard his voice and memories of last night came flooding back, Arnavji had found her! There was panic and it multiplied by thousands as she followed the direction of his gaze and looked down at herself, the horror as it dawned upon her, the clothes she wore – Harvard, it meant only one thing! And her legs were bare, she didn’t know what scandalized her more, the fact that she was wearing his clothes, standing on his bed in his room or that these freaking shorts were way too short, No this had to be a nightmare! The worst of its kind. Without warning, Khushi jumped off the bed to the other side taking the duvet with her, trying desperately to use that as a shield to provide some sanctity, what the hell was going on here!

“Will someone explain what is going on here?” Khushi shouted at the top of her voice zapping Arnav out of his reverie, and turned to Deeya after giving him an angry stare, “Deeya, what happened to my clothes? What are we doing here? What is he doing here?”

“This is my place” she wasn’t too impressed with his response, “I am not talking to you”

~~~

A few hours ago.

Standing on the balcony overlooking the midnight downpour, Arnav clutched the note that Nadia had handed him over earlier in the week, Culinary School, Khushiwas a chef? So that’s what she had been up to all this time! It almost sounded preposterous, and on top of that everything had happened so fast, it was yet to sink in. Like the fact that Khushi was sleeping in his room at this very moment, he couldn’t have dreamt of this even a day before!

 Aakash… Arnav had guessed as much but things didn’t make complete sense yet so without wasting any more time, he fished out the cell phone from his pocket and dialed him. Never mind it was close to midnight, this conversation couldn’t wait. Arnav took a deep breath and let it out.

Aakash was in deep sleep when his cell phone buzzed startling him. Instantly worried about Payal’s well being, he reached out for his specs placed on the edge of the bed, and put them on. He squinted adjusting to the bright lights as he looked at the screen, “Bhai?”

Surprised at the name that flashed on the screen and relieved at the same time that it was not Payal, Aakash leaned on the headboard as he brought the phone to his ears, switching on the bed-lights at the same time, barely awake and answered drowsily, “Bhai? Is everything alight?” He was slightly tense in anticipation of something unknown, late night phone calls always made him feel that way, this felt no different.

“How could you Aakash?” Arnav asked with a strained voice, his eyes fixed on the vast expanse of the ocean in front - the waves as they clashed with the heavy rains, focused and yet not really. It was like nature mimicking the chaos of his mind.

"Do what?" Aakash wasn’t exactly awake enough to put things together yet – not till Arnav’s next word anyway, "Khushi" and it was in the manner that Arnav spoke, Aakash knew right away – his sleep all but gone at once, he was wide awake suddenly, "You found Khushiji?" his excitement was palpable to Arnav at the other end.

"Found?” Arnav couldn’t believe his choice of word.

Aakash got up and paced his room nervously, "You did" and he felt like a weight of a thousand tons lifted off him. Sigh… “You found her” His relief could not be put into words; it was like handing over something…

"How could you do this Aakash?"Arnav’s hurt obvious in his voice, “You knew…everything…?” it was almost like he was trying to convince himself more than anything else, “For three years…” Arnav did not even want to think about why the search for Khushi had always reached a dead end in Mumbai at this point, “You lied… to all of us for three freaking years!...knowing everything?”And still there was no word at the other end.

Arnav asked impatiently “Aakash…say something dammit”

In contrast, Aakash spoke in a voice so detached that it stunned Arnav momentarily, "I did what I had to to…” but Arnav had questions, he wanted answers and there was no stopping him, "But…how…why?” Arnav asked impatiently unable to comprehend, Aakash was supposed to be on his side!

Aaskash knew this was going to be hard; his only saving grace was the truth and nothing else but the truth.

“I did what I had to…” it was as simple as that.

“How did it help anyone?” Arnav argued, “Your life is a mess…my life…she is living all alone in some god-forsaken place with a chit of a friend…and …”But he was interrupted by an agitated Aakash, “Do you every stop and consider what she wants Bhai? Why does it always have to be about you?”

That stumped Arnav alright, not just the words but the manner in which Aakash stood up for Khushi, he had never argued back in that manner before, “When you left her at the airport… you were not there to pick up the broken pieces…Khushiji is Payal’s sister, and I wasn’t going to let her …” Arnav lashed out before Aakash could complete his words, “She is my wife dammit” he hit the hand rail with his other hand in frustration.

“Funny you say that now…” Aakash interposed sarcastically “What about back then when you busy playing god instead?” Aakash closed his eyes trying to compose himself, he did not want to lose his temper now or say more than he needed to, “I’m sorry, the truth will hurt. But the fact is that you messed up. Admit it. And it messed up everything… most of all, Khushiji. Do you even have any idea what a mess she was back then?”

He did. He just didn’t need any reminders. Arnav knew everything – just did not know how to fix it. He remained quiet.

“I know this will hurt but when she walked out that day after she…” Aakash left out the sordid details of Shyam at this point, “Once she expressed her desire to walk out of the marriage… we had no way of stopping her. The truth tied our hands… we couldn’t hold her back even though we wanted to…but I couldn’t let her walk out just like that…she was family. Payal’s sister”

 “And my wife” Arnav repeated for a second time – the conviction in his voice faltering though with each revelation.

“Not according to her, she wasn’t”

Arnav remained silent as the words sank in - Aakash was not done yet, “Since Buaji cut off all ties with her after…” Aakash stopped to pause reflecting on that past, “So, I put her up at  your apartment …lying to her that it was mine” This was not a good memory for Aakash either, only he knew how hard it had been for him to keep things together back then, with everything falling around him.

“She was there?” to say this was shocking would be an understatement, “Why there?” Arnav asked.

“Because I knew, that’s the last place you’d look at” which was the truth, “But after signing the divorce papers, she did not want to stay back in the city. She wanted to move back to Lucknow but couldn’t go back there because…”

“Of everything I did to her there…”Arnav mumbled as waves of guilt hit him, he had made her life so miserable! Unable to take it all, he sank down on the balcony floor staring back at his empty living room dimly lit by the corner lamp, clutching onto the phone and listening into Aakash.

“Is that why you took over the Mumbai branch?” Arnav asked.

“What do you think?”

“You were looking out for her?”

“I couldn’t let her be alone…” Aakash said, “But she wanted to keep Payal away from all of this… I couldn’t let her be alone either” Aakash stared at his wedding picture that hung on the wall, his eyes focused on Payal and for a moment he lost himself there.

“Were you ever planning on telling me this?”

“Not unless Khushiji wanted me to” Aakash was very clear on this.

“Even if your marriage was on the rocks?” Arnav couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

“Was?” Aakash interrupted, “A marriage at what cost?” raising an uncomfortable question to Arnav “My marriage was doomed to fail Bhai… the minute you shoved that…”

“Aakash…!” No he did not need a reminder of that night; when he had turned into a brute - Shaitaan, as she had coined.

“It was doomed to fail the moment you forced her …can’t you see. It doesn’t work that way, relationships don’t work that way…”

And suddenly all his faults came back to life, nagging away at him playing images in his mind on an endless loop till he had no choice but to succumb to the sheer intensity of that reality that stared back at him, grinding him till he accepted defeat. Arnav sat there staring back at his living room, with the sounds of the heavy rains behind him, lost in those thoughts and images from his past. 

Khushi...that crazy, silly, jalebi loving girl with braided hair and funky pom-poms…she who roamed the confines of his home flashing that goofy grin mocking him...and dancing away to glory...looking ravishing in all the colors she wore that night... scared, a nervous anticipation and that hint of a faint blush on her cheeks...Khushi all of that and happy...the fiery eyes that stood firm against him even as he had her cornered by the door, challenging her... the night of the sangeet. The eyes that sparkled in celebration…joy of victory…

And Khushi …the tepid who trembled…and wept, harried like her life was on the line…spoke barely but for a few words…and pleaded…Khushi, who held on to his hands with a tear stained face, creases of worry...trying to wipe away the weight of his accusations...why do you care? His heartless question was followed by a pause…That look... And her response, I care because it’s you! I cannot live like this knowing you think so low of me...her grip strong as ever as they held onto his wrist for life... Please hear me out....Arnavji...please don't go. Khushi, broken, dejected, in despair... in pain...lifeless. Pale…like all life had been sucked out of her…not the young or the vibrant…

"Bhai...? Are you there?" Aakash asked for the third time, Arnav had gone absolutely quiet at the other end making him worry, had he said too much? Too soon all at once?

"I'm here..." the response was bare, stripped of all pretence… just a man defeated and shamed at his own actions. The mirror that Aakash held up, reflected a man Aranv could only hate. How had he come to this?

Arnav felt like he was starring at defeat, he had ruined everything, all lives… everyone’s happiness and possibly killed his own chances of one too, he struggled with the right words, struggled because he realized, nothing he said would make any difference or change the reality, “Aakash…I..um…” he was truly lost, “Does anyone else know this?” Arnav asked, “Not even Payal?”

“You think, if Payal knew, Khushiji would still be all alone?”

“And you won’t tell Payal?” and it struck him, Arnav of another horror, “Does Khushi know of you two?”

“No…” Aakash had given this a lot of thought, but he couldn’t tell Khushi because knowing her, he’d be only asking her to make another uncomfortable choice. It wasn’t fair.

“And you won’t tell her?”

“I will not emotionally blackmail her … “the simple truth hurt Arnav.

“She deserves better, don’t you see? To do what she wants and live the life that she wants…. The only person who has the right to take decisions for her is her… not you, not me, nor Payal or anyone else for that matter”

“So you are willing to risk everything?” Arnav asked, “But not tell her?”

“May be this is the price we all have to pay for everything we made her go through” Arnav had to work really hard to keep his mind from drifting back to terrible night again, “So why now? “ Arnav asked hinting at the graduation invitation, “Why do you want me to find her now?”

“Because…I am tired” Aakash confessed, “I am tired of everything…this helplessness… I never realized trying to do the right things is so hard…”he ran his free hand through his hair almost in despair, “I’m tired of seeing everyone unhappy…and I just wish we could all be…and most of all because I am selfish too, I cannot do this anymore”

“Aakash…” Arnav had never seen this side of Aakash, this broken and beaten down, “ I miss Payal…and she is going through the most beautiful moment of our lives…and this is killing me… my hands are tied so I did the only thing I could, I pushed you towards her. May be this makes me selfish…”

“Knowing the risks I bring to her?”

Aakash did not respond to that right away, “Not like we have anything more to lose… and despite everything that’s happened, I still want to see you happy Bhai” he paused“Everyone deserves a second change …and you’re my brother. I want to see you happy”

Both of them remained silent for a while, it was Arnav who spoke “Will you ever forgive me? Can you” it was the closest he had come to an apology, it certainly surprised Aakash.

“It doesn’t matter whether I do”

“But…”

“Only one person’s forgiveness matters … provided you genuinely seek it for all the right reasons”

Arnav listened as Aakash spoke, “I just hope that if you can’t make her happy, just let her be… don’t make things worse than they already are”

“Aakash…I”

“I hope you do the right thing this time Bhai”  Arnav’s mind drifted back to a few hours ago, when he had stormed towards her in rage – demanding… yet again! He sighed, knowing how the right thing didn’t come naturally to him but all the wrong things did. 

Part 15

 “I believe we may have a solution to that…just a moment!” Mrs. Silvio dashed back to the kitchen in the pretext of getting some dessert for him after Arnav had declined, “I’m diabetic…” he had to confess reluctantly why he was averse to sweets.

Besides dessert was the last thing on his mind; he only had one wish - Khushi. But after their brief encounter before dinner, Khushi had not emerged outside at all heightening his restlessness exponentially. Despite this desire to spend more time with her or that overwhelming urge to whisk her away to some place quiet, Arnav had not acted harshly much to his credit. But that didn’t mean, he didn’t want to except he was quiet for the sake of Khushi, trying to respect her wishes, please don’t create a scene, I work here – had been her exact words. And he would oblige; even though it wasn’t easy for him because patience wasn’t one of his virtues especially when it concerned her. So every time someone sashayed out the kitchen and the damn hinge made that peculiar noise, he would invariably look back hoping to see that familiar face walk through, only to face disappointment. It was just plain hard to remain seated there pretending to enjoy the dinner, the ambience when in reality everything suffocated him.

Arnav looked around the table restlessly noticing that everyone was busy with something or little nothings; preoccupied with food for example just like the old German lady who spoke even as she took a spoonful of Tiramisu never mind she was the first to dive into the Amarena gelato earlier too, “I don’t think I can eat anymore”

 All this waiting for her, for some alone time with her while sitting through a dinner with a bunch of random people with stifling fake smiles, his new business associates and an awfully irritating host – a dinner that just refused to end, was beginning to take its toll. For Arnav, everything seemed to go on at a snail’s pace and his patience was on the ropes.

 “Here you go young man” he looked up to see Mrs. Silvio place some dessert before him, “On the house!”

 “You shouldn’t have” he shifted in his seat awkwardly, still not comfortable with all the niceness or the fact that they had gone out of the way.

 “We cater to all tastes…” she continued, “Thank you” he spoke not exactly sure where it came from, surprising Mrs. Silvio – clearly she wasn’t expecting much from him.

Sometimes all you need is a tiny trigger that sets things in motion; the cake was that trigger he needed. And out of nowhere, against the tide of emotions, a tiny ray of hope flickered, a question seemingly innocuous and yet holding so much weight, did she? Could she have? - began to claw at his mind.

This was sort of a drum roll moment for him, a moment of epiphany, as Khushi’s reality finally sank in, a chef? Arnav didn’t know what hit him next except he felt it, this wave that washed through him coursing through from head to toe – this was real just like all the tingly things he felt at the moment.

 “You know, it doesn’t bite right?” the German lady nudged him bringing him out of his thoughts, he looked briefly at her and back at the cake, then smiled, this had to be Khushi! His mind drifted back to the images of her stirring the pasta sauce from earlier in the night, she was a cook! “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!!” The truth stared back at him as a damn cake!

He leaned back in his chair trying to process all the information “Ofcourse! Culinary school…fuck you Aakash” he felt dizzy at the maddening thoughts that ran amuck in his mind, suddenly so many things made sense. If only he could…just whisk her away!

Natasha turned towards him “Is everything alright?” 

He nodded reassuring her,  “Just realized something…” he spoke, his eyes suddenly brought to life by this strange reality, “That looks tempting” Natasha added, “It sure does”  he spoke even as he lifted the fork and took the first bite with great anticipation, and it did not disappoint!

---

After seeing off Natasha and her friends, Arnav hung around mingling with the remaining guests, his eyes fixed on the green door that led to the kitchen. As each guest trickled out, he felt himself slowly running out of excuses to remain back and the fire that had been lit with that first bite doused steadily with each passing moment. And still Khushi would not emerge.

Finally his patience snapped, partly because Khushi hadn’t come outside and mainly because Raul was nowhere in sight as well, “Mrs. Silvio” he called out to her even as she was busy instructing her staff, “I was hoping…” he ran out of words though, struggled to put two together and make it sound sensible, “I..um..”

He was interrupted by that noise again and he turned towards the door half-annoyed and pretty much resigned to see someone else walk through, except this time, it was her! And the world stopped spinning throwing things in his universe off balance, for the second time that evening.

Khushi stalled at the threshold momentarily before walking out. The effect of alcohol was taking its toll on her, and she had gone quiet. She didn’t feel like talking to anyone either because she could feel herself grasping at the control that was slipping with each passing moment. It felt like she was floating, almost like this strong current of air had swept her off the ground; and the world seemed different, surreal almost like she was looking through lenses that were not meant for her eyes.

Raul was right behind Khushi steadying her; Arnav went green seeing how close they stood.

“I’m going to drop Khushi home …call the driver” Raul told his mother, making sure Arnav heard him right.

“That sounds good, it’s terribly late” Mrs. Silvio added before turning back to Arnav, “You were saying?”

But his focus was on her, that half-lidded expression and an apparent disinterest in engaging was ample evidence of something being amiss, this was definitely not Khushi. “I’m  sorry…” Arnav looked back at Mrs. Silvio briefly only to turn right back at Khushi who nearly tripped over her own feet, and then it hit him, she was tipsy! Was she?

Not wasting any more time, he strode towards Khushi and offered to take her home instead “I’ll drop her home” To his surprise, Khushi did not flinch away from his touch but she was awfully quiet though, what the hell was going on, Arnav couldn’t quite understand. “I’ll take it from here”

Raul protested slightly but he was held back by his own mother, “I think that’s a good idea Raul” surprising both the men, “But Khushi is…” Raul hesitated, “I think I might be guilty here…” he confessed, “I didn’t realize she is new to alcohol”

“Thanks to you” Arnav glared at Raul, “And you too” Mrs. Silvio gave him a reprimanding stare. Arnav shrugged.

When Arnav and Khushi were outside on the pavement, Raul turned to his mother demanding answers, “Now what was that all about?” he was not amused about Arnav dropping Khushi off.

“Do you know who he is?” she asked.

 “No?”

“That’s the ex-husband”

“Oh!....” Raul ran his hand through his hair, “No wonder…” and stared outside where he could see their silhouettes in the dark, “I should have guessed…Do you think?” he raised a curious eye-brow as he looked back at his mother.

“How would I know…”

“So why would you let her go home with him and she’s not exactly herself you know…” Raul meant to walk out and intervene, he did not have a good feeling about this at all, “There is a reason why he is an ex and not the husband …” he tried to reason with her.

“Stay out of this Raul…”

“But…it’s…” he felt exasperated with his mother, “What is the matter with you? They are divorced…and we don’t even know what he is like”

“This is not Rome...besides you are going back in less than two weeks, its better if you stay out of all of this”

“But Mama…” he was relentless, “I’m going out there…” but he was stopped by his mother, yet again “There are ways to deal with things… Raul…just keep your eye open. For once trust me”

“whaaaa?” to say that he was puzzled by the cryptic words of his mother would be an understatement but his immediate concern was Khushi- so he walked up to the window, his eyes fixed to the outside “I’m going to stay here.. I don’t trust that man…”

Mrs. Silvio shook her head, “You are stubborn, just like your father”

“If he tries to take her away…I’m going out there…”he made sure he was loud enough for not only his mother but Arnav outside to hear him as well; he knew the purpose had been served when Arnav looked back at him and their eyes met.

Outside, Arnav had all but given up on extracting any word out of Khushi, nothing. She had gone absolutely quiet barring a few random monosyllables, there was nothing! So with nowhere to go, no address of her home, he had no choice but to take her with him, not that he minded one bit. May the universe was finally conspiring in his favor! It must have been for Khushi wouldn’t have agreed to go with him so easily, he knew.

“Wait a minute, what do you think you are doing?” Arnav stilled when he felt a hand on his shoulder as he was about to close the door after helping Khushi get in.

 “What the…” He turned around abruptly to see a skinny but a feisty looking girl, wearing a red bandana and casual tees starring back at him with her hands on her hips, annoyed at this sudden intrusion, Arnav narrowed his eyes at her “You?”

 “Oh my god, you pervert, let her go” and she started to pull Khushi out of the car, “oh my god, Khushi, why are you so quiet? Is everything okay?”

“Deeya…” one word from Khushi and Deeya knew, her friend was not exactly herself, “oh my god, you got her drunk and were about to take off with her?”

“What the hell is going on here?” Raul barged outside.

“Look he is kidnapping Khushi…after getting her drunk..., Help me!”

“I am not!” Arnav felt offended, “Who the hell are you anyway?” Arnav stared at Deeya. Laad Governer… Arnav was pretty sure he heard Khushi mumble in that very Khushi like way, “What?” Deeya tried to make out what Khushi was saying but to no avail, she had gone virtually quiet; except for a few random words that Deeya just couldn’t pick up.

“I’m her sister” she replied, still trying to pull Khushi out of the car, but Arnav’s grip was stronger.

“No you’re not!” Arnav shot back, “you are most definitely not her sister!” he was adamant.

“How would you know, you pervert, let her go!” She was relentless alright but unfortunately not strong enough “Are you crazy!”Arnav was appalled at what was going on, “let go of her!”

“No…you are the crazy pervert here #$%**” Deeya swore at him as she struggled to free Khushi.

“Stop saying that!” Arnav roared, “I’m not a p...” he couldn’t even bring himself to say it.

“Yea…he isn’t” Surprisingly, it was Raul who came to his defense, “He’s the ex”

“Oh!” and it was Deeya’s turn to be shocked. Her hands stilled right away, and she turned towards Arnav with her mouth agape, “so you’re…”and as it sunk in, she raised her hand and covered her mouth, “ohh…”

“Now can I go?” Arnav asked finally relieved that this useless drama had come to an end.

“No!” and she was back at it again, “Now that I know who you are, you are most definitely not going anywhere with Khushi…”

“Why should I listen to you, who the hell are you anyway?” Arnav’s voice was meant to sound intimidating but Deeya was not the type to get intimidated, “I’m her roommate, her friend…”

“Bodyguard’s more like it” Arnav mumbled, “I was dropping her home, there happy?”

“No need, I’m here. I’ll take it from here Thank you” Deeya turned to Khushi, “Let’s go Khushi…”But Khushi refused to budge.

“Oh shit!” she dropped her hands and paced the pavement frenetically, “I can’t take her like this to the hostel!”

“You guys live in a hostel?” Arnav seemed outraged at the very idea, “Is that even safe?” he had suddenly gone pale.

Deeya looked at him like he had lost his mind and shook her head, “Why am I even surprised”

“So I’m taking her with me… try and stop me” Arnav challenged her openly, and walked towards the driver’s seat. But Deeya was quicker; she opened the back door and took a seat, “What the fuck?” Arnav looked back from the driver’s seat,“Are you crazy?”

“I go wherever she does” She crossed her arms and settled herself comfortably in the back seat.

“What the hell!”

“Its either both of us or neither!”

“Fine then...buckle your seatbelt” he started the engine, “You are annoying!” he stared at her through the rear-view mirror, “Pervert!” she shot right back.

“I am not a …” he was cut off by a giggling Khushi, “Pervert” she said amusing Deeya no ends. For some reason, Arnav seemed scandalized by that one word from Khushi, for a brief moment he went pale as he stared at her. But not for long because Deeya was back bugging him from the back seat.

“Why would you get her drunk otherwise?” Deeya accused, “I did not!” he replied.

“Oh come on, who are you kidding here”

“Stop talking to me” Arnav told off Deeya half-way through their ride, “I’m wasn’t…” her response wasn’t that convincing.

Except she wished, someone had been or that he had the radio on, anything but this silence because it was truly maddening; and highly uncomfortable.

Every now and then, Arnav would look at Khushi, at every stop or whenever he could, almost like he need a visual confirmation that she was still there; he wanted to believe desperately that this was no dream and he’d only have to look back to know that it wasn’t. Deeya kept staring at him throughout the ride, he could feel her eyes drilling holes through his back, it was unrelenting and highly uncomfortable, he had to break it, “Is she always like this when she is…you know?” Arnav asked, looking briefly at Khushi and that drew out a cheeky remark from Deeya, “Nope, when she’s doped, it gets worse!” she answered like it was everyday stuff.

He braked hard, “She dopes?” he was positively scandalized this time around!

“And you’re a wuss”

It took him a good few seconds to understand what she meant,”I can see someone’s a good influence”Arnav narrowed his eyes at Deeya, he didn’t like her.

“Yes, I can see one too” she stared back defiantly as well.

He resumed driving.

It was Deeya who broke the silence yet again, “You don’t talk a lot do you?”

There was no response.

“This is an expensive car” she looked around, it was true.

There was no response.

“It’s okay, not great” Deeya commented on the car, “I think leather seats are overrated anyway”

And almost as if in response, Khushi threw up! Arnav slammed on the brakes and looked at Khushi stunned, “See even Khushi agrees with me!” Deeya couldn’t help but throw that one in there but to her great surprise, he did not look angry at all, if anything, he looked concerned as they helped Khushi clean up.

~~~

“What kind of a billionaire lives in a house with just one room?” Deeya was at it again.

“This is an apartment, not a house” was his curt response.

“Fine, no need to be so touchy about it” Deeya threw her bags on the couch and walked towards the other side of his bed. He looked on totally amused, “What do you think you are doing?”

“Sleeping…” she looked at him as if he had lost his mind, “you got to be crazy if you think, I’m letting her stay here with you. I goes where she does. Good night Mr. Raizada, I’m sure, you’ll find the posh sofa in your living room comfortable for the night”

“Bodyguard!” he closed the door on his way out but not before sparing a glance at Khushi, his Khushi who was sleeping peacefully on his bed, wearing one of his Harvard shirts… he could have spent a life-time starring. Deeya was quick to break his peaceful trance; “No you can’t join…” he meant to say something in response but stopped himself before he did, it was useless arguing.

As he walked back to the living room, he smiled for the first time in many days; the irony was not lost on him either. Now that he had found her, she seemed even more further away, always someone in between and yet even with this impatience that clawed at his nerves, he could feel a strange calmness spread through him, putting him in ease in a way perhaps only Khushi’s presence could bring to him.

The thought that come tomorrow morning his wife was going to wake up her in house…in her bed after all these years felt all too good to be true. He walked towards the kitchen and took out chilled water from the refrigerator lost in his thoughts; I can deal with this…though he mused, even the bodyguard! One day at a time.

“Do you have a lighter?” he spilled water on himself, “What the?”

“You smoke?” he asked looking at the cigarette in her hand and pulled out a lighter from the drawer nearby and threw it to her, “Please take it outside in the balcony”

“Everybody smokes Mr. Raizada…why do you look so shocked?”

“Everybody?” he really did not want to know and yet a part of him did, Deeya was not forthcoming. She shrugged, “You can find out yourself tomorrow morning” and walked towards the balcony. Arnav took this moment and strode towards his room, to see Khushi sleeping peacefully.

“How did you find her?” it was Deeya again, she was back- with the cigarette, “I told you not inside the apartment!”He chose to ignore her first question.

“Stop being such a wuss about it, will you?” and she royally ignored him much to his chagrin, he walked right up to her, and snatched the cigarette away, “My house, my rules”

“Apartment” Deeya corrected him, “ not a house” and walked away after snatching her cigarette back, “I’m watching you!” she warned not that he would be too alarmed by her, if anything, he had already started to see a positive side to her presence.

When she was gone from the room, Arnav turned around to look at Khushi, “What have you been upto?” he asked as he knelt down by the edge of the bed and pushed away the wayward strands of hair. She stirred at his touch slightly, causing him to pull back almost instantly, afraid he’d wake her up. Arnav still could not believe his luck. He promised himself that this time, he would not push that luck too far either.

Unknown to him, Deeya was watching him from a distance, forming her own opinion about Khushi’s ex.