Part 19

Part 19

Mrs. Subhadra Malik walked into the kitchen looking at Khushi curiously, "It smells good in here, what are you cooking?" She didn't need an answer though because the mountain of Jalebis spoke for itself.

Khushi was lost in her thoughts, thinking about the news in the paper, it should not have disturbed her but it did and her mind had gone into over-drive, what did much married mean? Had he re-married? Or for that matter, what did much married bachelor mean? Was he really involved with Natasha? What about Lavanya? If yes, what had last night and this morning been about? And why was she even thinking of all this, "I don't care what he does" Deeya had given her one of those, are you freaking kidding me stares much to Khushi's annoyance.

"Why is he even here?" Khushi complained as she flung the paper back on the bed, "Because you sent him that money" trust Deeya to show her the light, "He wasn't here all this time and suddenly, as soon as you sent him that, he is here in Mumbai. Can't you make the connection Khushi?" Sometimes she hated the how much sense Deeya made.

"I see we're having Jalebis for lunch today" Mrs. Malik spoke but Khushi was still lost in her thoughts, so she walked closer, placed a hand on her shoulder and called out to her again, "Khushi..." finally managing to snap her out of her reverie, "Yes..." she turned around almost instantly and bumped into Mrs.Malik, "Ohhh! I'm sorry; I didn't see...I was" anyone could tell she was distracted.

"Thinking about something...?" Mrs. Malik stared back with a slight frown, "Is everything alright, you are unusually quiet today?" Khushi just stared back at her without a word. It was then, it hit her, being away from family, from her parents as she looked back at the concerned face of Mrs. Malik, she realized she missed her own family terribly.

"And I've never seen you make Jalebis before" it was true; this was the first time in years that Khushi was making her favorite sweets. Khushi smiled half-heartedly, and for some inexplicable reason, hugged her. She needed that, "I met him yesterday" she said, even as she held on to Mrs. Malik, she needed to.

"Met who?" she pulled back slightly to look at Khushi, "My husband..." only to correct herself right away, "I mean, ex-..."

It was the first time that she had talked to her in so much detail about that life she had left behind. Khushi didn’t talk about the specifics of the forced contract marriage and neither did Mrs. Malik attempt to delve too deep; she could however, guess from what little Khushi had told her to know that Khushi had left behind a troubled marriage in search for peace; and that suddenly after three years, she had come face to face with that ex-husband of hers a day before. It was bound to unsettle anyone especially someone who was trying to keep a distance.  Little was she aware that Khushi’s ex-husband was none other than her own grandson, Arnav Singh Raizdada aka Arnav Malik as he was known once upon a time ago. 

Subhardra Malik knew that Khushi needed to let it all out so she encouraged her to do so, “Sharing your pain helps Khushi. Don’t keep it bottled up inside” it was those words which had encouraged Khushi to open up about her past. Mrs. Malik just listened intently, surprised how life taught her new things every day, she rued at how wrong she had been before - in her ways, in her thinking. No it was not always the fault of the woman!

“You will have to forgive him” this wasn't the response Khushi was hoping for, “I don’t know if I can” her words were barely audible and grossly lacking in conviction.

Mrs. Malik sighed as she looked at this young girl who had her whole life ahead of her, “Not for him or anyone else but for yourself” she stressed on yourself hoping Khushi would understand.

“I don’t …” clearly Khushi was waiting to hear something else.

“You won’t be able to move on unless you let go”

“But…I am moving on, have moved on…my life here in Mumbai couldn't have been more different than it was back in Delhi” for a moment, it seemed like she was weighing them in her own mind. The difference couldn't have been more obvious, to her at least.

“But have you really?” may be it was her silence or the play of emotions on her face, Mrs. Malik wanted to help further and so she spoke about things she didn’t really like talking about, “Don’t get me wrong, this is something I say from personal experience. There is no moving forward without letting go of the past Khushi” she drew a breath in, “I wish I had been able to forgive too but I couldn’t and because of that, I have never found a closure to it” Khushi did not miss that faraway look in her eyes.

Khushi knew very little of Mrs. Malik’s past, “Closure for…and forgive whom?” Mrs. Malik gave her a half smile, “It was all my fault Khushi, I am the villain of my own story here” she elaborated sensing Khushi’s confusion, “I wronged my own people, and overwhelmed with guilt, I fled from my own responsibilities, but even after all these years…” she got up abruptly and walked over to the window, “It has taken me so many years to realize that you cannot run away because you carry it everywhere you go. And since I’ve never been able to forgive myself, I’ve never found that closure” the look in her eyes distant as if she were gauging that past she had tried and failed to leave behind, and when the pain got too strong, she shut her eyes trying to keep it out.

Khushi walked over to the window and placed her hand over her’s reassuringly, “You can tell me…” Mrs. Malik smiled at her gesture, “And add to your woes?” she cupped her cheeks gently, like a mother trying to comfort her young daughter, “You have enough to deal with child” Khushi blinked back teary eyed, “Didn’t you just tell me that sharing your pain helps?...what happened Mrs. Malik, you told me…” but she couldn’t bring herself to it, that past and the little that she knew of, was not normal by any means. How was she supposed to bring it up, luckily for her, she didn’t have to, Mrs. Malik continued, “My daughter in law committed suicide on the day of my grand-daughter’s marriage…and the barat went back”

“Oh!” Khushi’s hand instinctively covered her open mouth, she knew that pain of a barat going back all too well, “I’m sorry” she spoke softly, “That’s not all Khushi” Mrs. Malik was not done yet though, “ I sided with my son when I should have been on her side, with nowhere to turn to she gave up on life. I was so wrong…but by the time I realized my mistakes, it was too late.”

“And before I could do anything, everything turned upside down…a few days later; my son shot himself to death, overcome with guilt following Ratna’s suicide…”

“Ratna?” that name sounded familiar to Khushi, it felt familiar.

“That was her…” but even Subhadra Malik couldn’t talk about that past fully, and talk about her son’s indiscretions, “ and then when my son shot himself, I fled…”

“Fled? But…” Khushi looked puzzled, “I don’t get it…why are you punishing yourself then?”

“I left behind my grandchildren when they had no one… I have not seen them in years… I let them down” for the first time Khushi saw Subhadra Malik cry, “I don’t even know where they are now…I am a bad mother, I abandoned my family, when they needed me the most”

Khushi was speechless, and could see where all the guilt was stemming from, but what do you say to that? How do you console something like that? Suddenly her own problems appeared smaller and not insurmountable like they did at times.

Mrs. Malik wiped her tears swiftly and turned towards Khushi, “So you see, for your sake, for the sake of being happy and moving on, let the past go, and in your case it means, forgive him…otherwise that past will never let you go”

Khushi kept quiet, “Otherwise, you will wake up one fine day and realize it’s too late because years have passed, and that time never comes back”

Khushi just kept starring, “You are young…and have this long life ahead of you. You deserve happiness. Let the past go Khushi, set yourself free. Learn from my mistake” She cupped her cheek lovingly, “Do you know what I’m saying?” Khushi understood, “I know you can find happiness again… ” she smiled reassuringly, “And when you do, all of this, the past and all this pain will be gone… None of it will matter”

“What’s going on in here?” a voice all too familiar startled them both, when they turned they saw Ved standing at the door smiling at them both.

“Vedji, you are back” Khushi greeted him with a genuine smile, she couldn’t have been happier to see him back.

~~~

 “I want my cabin to be ready tomorrow, I don’t care how you get it done but when I come to work tomorrow, it should be ready” He said to an unsuspecting Nadia standing right before her desk.

“But Sir…” Nadia jumped up in a start, “It’s…” she stammered.

"No ifs and buts Nadia, I don't care how you get it done, when I come to work tomorrow, my cabin should be ready" and he walked away dialing Aman, not keen on any more excuses.

"I want you here in Mumbai Aman, talk to Aakash, he knows everything"

It took Aman by surprise this sudden decision, "Sir?"

"Talk to Aakash" and he cut the call. He took off his coat and flung on the chair, as he entered the office. He had not seen her since yesterday morning and that was making him restless but there was a list of things he wanted to do before seeing her again, for starters, he needed a plan. And he needed answers, but he was in two minds about getting professional help. The Arnav of earlier would have hired a professional to dig up all the information on Khushi but this one wasn’t quite sure, he needed to tread carefully. He wasn’t sure if Khushi would approve some stranger snooping around. And he certainly didn’t need riling her up any further.

The weekend had been unlike any weekend before, not only had he finally found Khushi but he had also learnt of how his family had gone behind his back to smuggle Khushi out of his hold. The phone conversation with Aakash had been an eye opener but the revelation about Di was quite simply a shocker. After finding out about the generous endowment in his late mother's name back at the Culinary School, he had called up one person he knew would have answers, but it was not the answer he had been expecting.

And even now, hours later, it didn’t quite make sense. Why would his Di go behind his back and set up such a thing, knowing very well that he would have helped. It didn’t make sense at all. How could he not have seen his Di and Aakash working together? At first he had been angry at Aakash and Di, but Aakash had pacified him, "You cannot tell Khushiji Bhai. Di came up with this idea after Khushiji refused any financial help from us. If she finds out, I don't know how she will react. We did this for Khushiji…” That was the only saving grace, not even the fact that Di had secretly siphoned money from him and that he had paid for half of the endowment made him feel better. He needed to talk to Di but that he knew would have to be a face to face conversation, not something done over the phone. As pressing as it was, it could wait, for now.

Arnav picked up the paper from his desk and leaned back on his chair, starring at the scribbles, all equally puzzling. LAVANYA was written in bold letters, why had she got those pictures leaked to the media? It didn't add up, especially since it had been her who had expressed concern over Natasha's "reputation". It was then, as he stared at that name, that a chilling thought occurred in his mind, could she have been responsible for all those other articles too? Was this her retribution? He couldn't rule out the possibility, not now anyway. This particular information was puzzling, and since Lavanya wasn’t answering her phone, he had no way of knowing anything more. But Arnav knew, there had to be an explanation, there always was. He had learnt that the bitter way too, courtesy all the pain he had inflicted upon Khushi.

Unable to get much work done the entire day, plagued by the memories of Khushi from a day before, Arnav drove to Mama’s Kitchen. He reckoned a glimpse was better than nothing. For now that would do too. Khushi on the other hand had an unusual day; Raul and Mrs. Silvio were away for most of the day, so her day was busy. That meant, she shouldn’t have thought of Arnavji or Lavanya or Natasha, but she had, much to her annoyance. Thankfully work didn’t let her dwell on her miserable love life for too long.

It was around ten thirty that Khushi stepped out of the auto and while she fished her purse for change, Arnav stared at her from his car parked about fifteen feet away. He noticed that she was too distracted to notice his car parked at the other side of the road.  Khushi on the other hand had expected Arnav to show up at Mama’s Kitchen, and it annoyed her, this realization that she had expected him to be there. The fact that he hadn’t shown up had stoked that annoyance further.  From this distance, he couldn’t tell if she was talking to herself or cursing someone, probably me, he chuckled. Once she was safely inside, he started the engine and drove away. He wouldn’t get any sleep that night just like the previous night. But he knew what needed to be done, in order of priority; at the top of that list was Khushi Arnav Singh Raizada.

~~~

Arnav was greeted by the very rich aroma of freshly brewed coffee as he walked into Mama’s Kitchen early Tuesday morning. But it was Khushi he noticed before anything else, behind the counter, busy arranging a precariously balanced tray of baked products inside the display counter. He halted for a fraction of a second once he was inside taking in the sight, and then walked in deliberately slow languid steps taking as much time as it was humanely possible to traverse the distance to the counter. Along the way, he noticed little things about her, like how she was wearing a different shade of grey from the day before, and the fact that there was barely any make-up on her face except perhaps a hint of blush and the kohl in her eyes. Despite the lack of color, it was the most colorful morning he had had in a very long time. He felt a faint flicker of hope come to life invigorated by her presence no doubt. Khushi too engrossed in work, did not look up to see who it was till she heard the steps halt at the counter – by which time he was right up at the other side looking at her – waiting patiently for her to notice him.

“What can I get for …?”  the words died as soon as Khushi’s eyes met the all too familiar ones starring back at her, “Ooo…?” she staggered back slightly, “Careful” he said concerned that the tray would fall, to her credit though she held on. A part of her was elated, while the other struggled to keep that under tabs. It was Khushi’s turn to run out of words this time, “Hi…” he spoke in a manner so unlike the Arnav she had ever known that it pushed her deeper into that marshy terrain of stupefied silence.

He smiled at her predicament, and given his own, any progress was good “Good morning” he said still with that very un-Arnav like enthusiasm taking her further by surprise “Should I stand here or take a seat…” he gestured towards the chairs and when Khushi did not respond, he answered for himself, “I’ll take a seat then…” She just kept staring for a moment before she followed him. What the!

Khushi had no choice but to serve him given that she was in charge that morning, “I’ll take the Toast and Omellete and that” Arnav pointed towards the freshly baked cornettos, “what ever that is” his eyes unblinking as he spoke.

“It has chocolate inside” she said, you can’t possibly eat that – the unsaid, “oh…” he looked disappointed, she noticed, “Then a cup of coffee”

“Please wait” Khushi was in no mood for long conversations. It felt strange as she walked back to the kitchen, she was serving food to Arnavji and he was paying for it. It felt surreal.

“Khushi…” he called out to her, to her credit she stopped only to look back when he did not say another word. Damn this man! She walked away annoyed at his presence, what was he doing here? Arnav was annoyed at himself too, what the hell was he supposed to say? He waited impatiently, and when she was back with his breakfast, his eyes came alive with what he saw, “You remember?” he asked looking up at her, “The black coffee” he clarified when she stared back impassively. Damn he hated this masked face of hers, he could deal with her anger but not her indifference. But she surprised him the very next moment when she said, “I haven’t forgotten anything” and walked away without waiting for his response. Arnav knew what she was referring to but it did not irk him, if anything, this was progress. It’s a start, he kept saying.

And every morning without fail, Arnav showed up for breakfast at Mama’s kitchen before heading off to work during which time their interaction was limited to a bare minimum except when necessary. Arnav did not seem in a rush to push his luck further and Khushi was just glad that he didn’t create any scene. To Arnav’s great relief, there was no Raul in sight and there were no more articles published in the gossip columns, he had ensured of the latter. The first time ever he had done so. He didn’t know if Khushi had seen the paper but he didn’t need any more roadblocks.

It had taken Arnav all of three days to figure out Khushi’s routine. What Khushi was not aware of was that every night, he would follow her auto back to the hostel and head back only once she was safely inside her building.

It was on Thursday morning, that he noticed Khushi slightly disturbed following a call. Her face dropped as she answered back, and in no time, it went pale. He knew that look all too well. Arnav desperately wanted to ask but knowing her, he knew that was futile.

“What! Have you lost your mind Khushi?” Deeya’s voice was loud as it was, all that excitement made it worse, “It’s no big deal Deeya” Khushi tried to put up a brave front.

“Why do you even want to go back there?” Deeya did not agree to this idea, “And do what, give in to his blackmail?” Khushi asked.

“I wish you didn’t have to do this alone” Deeya just could not understand why her friend had agreed to meet that slimy Manager again, “I can’t get off work tomorrow”

“It’s no biggie Deeya, I can deal with this”