Part 24

Before I start:

A note of Thank You to all you wonderful people. Thank you for all the messages and PMs.  My mind was not in the right place the last few months and took me longer than expected to get around things but now I'm back and will continue and conclude this story as soon as I can.

Thank you again.

Hope you enjoy the update, it is a little short but its better than nothing and I had to get things started once again.

Enjoy!

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He followed her right away and knelt down on the floor in front of her in a move so uncharacteristically Arnav Singh Raizada, in either action or in words, he did what he had to. Khushi could only stare in complete surprise, as the brute sprung yet another surprise. 

He took her tremblings hands in his, causing her to look down, at her own shaky hands now encased in his, “Khushi…” he spoke urging her to look up, “Khushi please look at me”

And she did like before, to find his eyes reflecting a strange vulnerability – she was certain was a reflection of her own state of being, “I came to take you home” he said.

It was not a lie, there was no pretence; it wasn’t a sham. Truth, was all there was to it. Khushi couldn’t get it. Reflexively, she meant to pry her hands off his hold but he would not let go, instead his kept talking, unlike the LG she had known forever, “I’m not here to let you go Khushi…” his hold was still strong.

“Unless I consent it, it will be coercion” And this time, he removed his hands like they had been suddenly scarred by her words, “And it will be like before” she concluded unbothered by his discomfort – her own egged on no doubt by the mention of the word home. She would defy her heart because it only led down a path of hurt stained with tears. 

“Khushi…please, that’s not what I meant”

“Arnav ji, why do you get to decide everything?” She looked at him in the eyes, there was fear this time, “Why don’t you ask me what I want for a change?”

To her credit Khushi waited for his response and when there was none, she gave him a wry smile and said, “Old habits die hard don’t they Arnav ji?”

He kept starring at her letting her words sink in, “That’s all you remember?”

She simply stared back blankly, their eyes still trying to decipher things, words had failed to convey.  

“Home…” she said, “I’ve been searching for one all my life”

Arnav snapped his head up concerned at where this was headed, “Khushi…” but she motioned him to let her speak, “I lost home even before I knew what a home was… when I finally began to understand what it meant, I realized it wasn’t real but a mirage and I was constantly reminded that I was the outsider. I tried my best to be one of them… and then Sheesh Mahal happened…” Arnav was beginning to dread where this was headed because he knew who the antagonist was in this tale, did he still think he deserved to take her home? But she wasn’t done yet, “Then...you snatched away my mirage in one single stroke and everyday you made it clear to me that, I was not welcome at your home…..I was married but I had no home…or a husband or a family. Why would I ever want to go back, to your home?”

May be it was the finality of those words or the detachment; it hurt him deeply when she addressed Shantivan as his home! And almost mechanically, he got up from his knees and plunked down, defeated on the sofa besides her. At this point, both of them were starring at the nothingness that seemed to surround them at that instant.

But his mind was anything but silent.

Had he truly never given her a reason to believe? Arnav was rendered speechless by Khushi’s question. The silence between them stretched into minutes, and with each passing moment, Khushi’s hopes died a little. She knew it was futile expecting answers from this man, a man of few words - who despite his struggles with words had oddly found plenty to sear her heart into pieces. She knew there was no answer coming her way. So she was the one to break the silence, “It’s okay Arnavji, I don’t expect you to answer...”

“Is that so?” he asked turning towards her, “Is that why you ran away without a trace?” his eyes were grim but focussed on hers in that unrelenting way that unnerved her always. 

And it angered her, his gall to ask her that after everything he had put her through, “Is that what this is all about? Your bruised ego?” she shot back, hurt at his words- hurt at the realization that it was all she was getting after everything she had been through. Well she wasn’t ready to let him steam roll her again, “I held up my end of the deal Mr. Raizada, I stayed for the entire duration of the contract. I left when there was nothing left to hold me back...”

“And we’re back to Mr. Raizada again” Khushi didn’t feel the need to answer to that, “Now that I’m here and trying to make something of my life, you come back demanding answers? Well guess what, if you can’t answer any, you don’t have a right to ask any either” And just as swiftly she turned away from him and lapsed into a defiant silence. Arnav waited for a good few seconds and knowing how stubborn this woman could be - and armed with the knowledge of his own inability to put words together to explain his point of view. He let that path go, there was only one way to let her know, to make her understand - the only way that mattered, the only way all deception would shatter. Possibly the only way, he a man a few words could convey the depth and sincerity of his emotions to her - and so risking everything Arnav Singh Raizada made his move, “Fine you asked for it” and closed in on her without any further warning, “I…umm….What are you doing?” Khushi tried to push him away but he was too quick for her and before she knew it, his lips were on hers. There was no hiding from it anywhere. She may have been shocked but all he needed was a mere touch to set her on fire, and this was a full bloody assault on her senses, the kind she had never been subjected to before. Khushi didn’t really know what hit her and it was too late by the time it registered. He could feel the initial shock that coursed through her at the first touch slowly ebb away as he felt her melt into his arms.That was all the confirmation he needed. But it was short lived, just as she wrapped her arms around him trying to bring him closer… giving in, Arnav pulled back. He had to - knowing very well that he wouldn’t be able to stop at a mere kiss had it gone on any longer. 

After a few precious seconds… of silence were no words were said…Khushi opened her eyes feeling bereft and confused at the sudden loss to find him starring at her. And it no longer felt joyous because she felt hurt, was he trying to prove a point or was it a rejection? Her inexperienced mind only clung to the worst conclusions. Before Arnav could respond Khushi’s self preservation instinct kicked in full force, “Are you crazy!?” she pushed him out of the way and walked past him, trying desperately to get her sanity back. But he wasn’t about to let her go yet. He stopped her, holding her back her wrist, and took slow but deliberate steps that brought him closer to her, his eyes holding hers captive all the while, like they were boring into her soul. There was no escaping from it for her.

Suddenly he was the calmer one of the two, “I wasn’t the only one” he said softly his eyes dropping to her lips in between as if to prove a point.

She tried to free herself from his grip but her strength was no match for his, “Let me go, I’m done here” it sounded more like a plea, “Arnav…” She didn’t want to be in his presence anymore, hell with him and his twisted head, “Call me a cab”

“Fine run away” he let go of her hand and she looked up at him in surprise, “Go Khushi, if you must. But do take my car…Mohan will drop you. Go run away, like you always do”

And strangely, she couldn’t move an inch. 

“I won’t stop or force you to do anything you don’t want to anymore, even if it kills me” His words made no sense, he made no sense - Khushi felt lost.

“What game are you playing now?” she asked wearily.

Arnav held her hands and kissed them, “This is no game Khushi” and she knew he meant it.

“Arnavji..” but he didn’t let her speak, “You asked me a question... remember?”

Khushi wasn’t sure what he was getting at, there was no predicting him anymore, “Just moments ago, you had asked me why you would ever want to go back to such a place?” She still didn’t get it, “What does that have to do with any of this?”

He smiled, and the genuine warmth in the glow of his eyes unnerved her and made her curious at the same time, “It has everything to do with that...” he looked at the uncertainty reflected in her eyes, “You still don’t get it do you?”

She blinked unsure of where this was headed and yet that familiar craving was back almost as if his smile had given it a new lease of life, and then it happened, “Home is where you are Khushi...” he spoke like he had never before - Khushi blinked twice, LG had gone mad, completely this time, “I’m done going around in circles...” she spoke trying to break free of his hold but he wasn’t ready to let go yet, he tightened his hold and moved her closer to himself, “Come back home with me Khushi...” he spoke, “Why should I?” her response was immediate.

“Because I love you” And that threw her off the highest cliff spiraling down the dizzying height into the deepest gorge that ever existed. For the first time, Khushi Kumari Gupta was speechless. And it was Arnav who spoke, “It was the only way left for me to make you understand... this is no game...” she could tell from the look in his eyes that he was telling her the truth, “I don’t know if I can ever make up for what I’ve messed up already in our lives...but if you give me a chance” he paused briefly, “I’m sorry for everything Khushi...for not trusting you, for doubting you and for making your life hell. I admit was wrong. Even when you pleaded me to...I refused to believe you. I may have chosen the wrong way Khushi but I will never be sorry for having you in my life...and that is why I’m here today, thats why I ask you to come back home with me...not because of anything else... but because...”

Part 23

Part 23

Ten minutes later, Khushi was still starring at the food on the plate, she wasn't scared per say but the idea of him being out there unnerved her slightly. It couldn't be anyone else, she wasn't important enough for random strangers to start stalking her. It felt like deja vu again, everything was coming back, at breakneck speed.

"Khushi, its getting cold" Arnav spoke hoping to snap her out of her troubled daze, "Khushi..." he spoke again, her excruciating silence and the faraway look in her eyes scarred him. When he did not get any response from her, he leaned towards her and flicked her nose gently and it did the trick as she looked at him a little startled, "What?" and immediately jerked away finding him too close for comfort. Why can't this man keep his hands to himself!

He looked at her plate and then back up to her teasingly, "I thought food was your best friend?" Hoping he could irk her enough to keep her distracted, Arnav set about doing just that, "What?" there was a frown on her face, "Its Italian food" he said, had he missed something?

She shrugged taking him by surprise.

"But you are a professional chef in an Italian restaurant?" he said, you don't cook that stuff day in and day out if you don't like it, he meant to say. Why else would you specialize in this cuisine? He wanted to know.

"So? Are you saying a butcher has to eat meat all the time?" he nearly choked on the pasta as the incredulity of her words hit him and then for the first time in many days he smiled because Khushi was beginning to sound a little crazy which was actually a good sign, so he decided to meddle with her mind further, "You know Khushi, my first instinct after finding out you were a professional chef would have been to scour all the sweet shops in Mumbai..." he deliberately left out the last part knowing very well Khushi would fill in the blanks.

"What do you mean?" Her head snapped up and for a moment he saw that familiar spark back, would she take the bait? He wondered and when she spoke next, he knew she had, "Are you implying that I am good enough to make jalebis only?"

He smirked, welcome back Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. 

While on the other side, it felt like nothing had changed, the smugness was the same and Khushi felt like wiping that lopsided grin off his face. She couldn't control her emotions when it came to this man; he could turn her into a blabbering idiot or a gooey mess at will and she hated that. Unfortunately for her, she had no clue how adorable she looked to the man starring at her in mild amusement, even as she swore unceremoniously under her breath,#$%@#@#@! It may not have been the ladylike but it was quintessentially Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada, and he loved it.

Unable to hide his amusement at her antics, he chuckled lightly "What are you saying Khushi?"  enjoying every bit of that all too familiar drama, something that had been missing in his life for too long, far too long, he mused.

Khushi's response was quick but measured, like she was holding back, "Nothing..."  There is no need to indulge to his fancies, she cautioned herself. But he wasn't planning on backing down, so he bugged her some more, "Looks like you agree with me" he kept pushing her though.

Khushi knew where this was headed, "Oh please...I know what you are trying to do here. I'm not falling for it" She held back a smart remark knowing that's what he was after but Arnav was adamant and kept pestering her, "Just admit it Khushi, I was right"

"Yes of course" she replied slightly irked by now, "Laad Governer is always right. How can you be wrong, right?" His response was a mere shrug of the shoulders, "Well..." something about his response didn't gel well with her and even though it wasn't meant to be hurtful, Khushi's words triggered just that and took them back to square one, "Sweet shops yes...let's see..." she pretended to think, "May be you are right because that's the last place you would ever come to"

Ouch! Sometimes words hurt more than we think they do. Khushi's words weren't meant to hurt him per say or dig up the past, but that's what they did.  And with it, the awkwardness was back. The past that they had both wanted to put behind them was back. Silence was back. It seemed that they were destined to rot in this hell, was there no end to this impasse?

Dinner thereafter turned into a very, very quiet affair. They ate in complete silence, each ruminating on the events that had led them to this point. Arnav felt exalted and yet weariness seeped into it because at the back of his mind, this voice kept reminding him that this was fleeting, this moment was not going to last forever. The realization that come morning, he would have to drop her off in that building she called home was ebbing away his peace of mind.

On the other hand, Khushi also felt like she was on tenterhooks. Not only was her mind completely muddled by the revelations that Aman had brought along. But the news had also planted this seed of fear back in her mind which over the course of the dinner had seemingly snowballed into a full-fledged reality, was Shyam really back? It was a chilling thought and rightly unnerved her because Shyam meant trouble and only trouble. Something she knew without a shred of doubt by now.  Was she ready to go through it all over again?

Khushi just wanted to go back to that happy space of a fortnight ago, when her life was just about her with no shadows of the past looming about anywhere, just a girl trying to make something of her life with a firm belief that her past with all its headaches, heartaches and fears was well and truly behind her. Wrong! A voice from within startled her and she knew as she saw Arnav across the table that she couldn't have been more off. He was back and with him possibly everything else was too.

As she continued to gaze across the table lost in her thoughts, it happened without her knowing - that fear slowly ebbed away into the same dark crevices of her mind that it had crawled out of only to be replaced by a strange lull, like a serene calmness...that you feel only when you know you are absolutely safe where you are. Was that home? This could have been any other day of their lives, if only.

There before her, sat the man who had once forcefully married her - someone  whom she had over the course of the months spent together, come to accept as her husband - and perhaps the only man she had ever truly dared to love.  The same man who had accused her of adultery... and charged her guilty of the same...the man she had walked out on! When Arnav looked up and his eyes met her curious ones, his hands stilled, the grip on the fork was the only palpable signs of tension. His eyes were tender...and caring, so hollow and lonely, she noted. Like time had hollowed out everything leaving behind an empty shell. Was that her story too?

It was at this moment Khushi remembered the most random of things, Ved's wise words from another time, "our thoughts are a reflection of who we are" It hit her like a bolt of lightning, those words - she was seeing herself in those caramel orbs. It was no lie. There was no getting away from it. Why despite everything that had transpired between them, was she still sitting here? It didn't make sense because it never had.

They didn't know how long they kept looking at each other and it didn't matter. It could have been any other day, or year - or place, these two - back in Sheesh-mahal when she fell off the ramp and he caught a simmering gift in his arms, like a godsend into his life. Or that day when the tears of a nobody had robbed his sanity even while another woman - his fiance stood cocooned in the warmth of his arms; and yet the world had ceased to be not because of whom he held in his arms but because of that nobody who stood forlorn. It was always about them, and possibly would always be.

"Khushi?" it was Arnav who broke their moment, "Tum theek ho?"

Khushi felt a little embarrassed at having been caught starring at him so blatantly, "yes" she nodded and focused her attention on her plate, digging into the remaining pasta, hoping that he wouldn't have noticed. Not before her eyes fell on this shiny ring on his finger though, something was off about it but she couldn't quite put it together, yet.

Arnav gave a stilted smile, the kind that never reaches your eyes; she noticed much to her annoyance. Which clearly meant that the food wasn't much of a helpful diversion; this silence, and being with him in close proximity was beginning to make her feel restless. Khushi knew she needed a bigger distraction at this point, even if it was her own voice because she realized she was beginning to notice little details about him, details she had no business knowing, not anymore.

"You live here alone?" she asked looking around and no sooner had those words escaped her mouth, she felt utterly stupid. To his credit, he kept a straight face, "I told you earlier Khushi, I live alone here"

"Of course..." she said even as she let out a long sigh and looked around the table. "And you live with Deeya" he said hoping to engage her in some casual conversation, "She seems like a good friend" he said. Khushi smiled, "She is..." her fondness for Deeya was apparent in the warmth of that smile.

"She is...more like a mother to me at times..." she stopped right away surprised at her own admission, those big expressive eyes tried in vain to mask the emotions but it was too late. It didn't take long for the memories to crowd her mind either, memories of the family she had left behind and of that mother whose loving embrace she still yearned for. The same mother who had refused to acknowledge her, or stop Buaji from kicking her out of the house and slamming the door on her face during her pag phere rasam - despite everything, Khushi missed her mother, the only one she had ever known! The yearning was written on those orbs, clear for him to see.

Arnav's presence was starting to bring back everything in bits and pieces something she had managed to shut off in this city so far. She took a few moments to compose herself, but strangely it was his words that soothed her frazzled nerves more, "Garima  Aunty is fine, your family is fine...Khushi. She misses you" it was like he had been reading her mind, "Everyone does" he added hoping she would hear the unsaid.

Khushi got up abruptly from the chair and pushed the plate away, "I'm full"

She walked out into the balcony hoping for a reprieve and was immediately taken in by the view which was quite simply exquisite, the kind that only rich money could buy. It was the same city she lived in but while she saw rusted metal, stained glass, buildings that had stood far beyond their time - this view was nothing but the ocean - the sky and point where it all blurred and the distinction ceased to be. There were no voices here just the elements. It was still the same city, only the perspective had changed. It didn't make either of them unreal. Towards the far end of the balcony, neatly arranged in a row were his potted plants, fresh blooming roses. But Khushi was entranced by the magnificence to notice anything else.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Arnav walked out to stand beside her, his arms gripped the cold stainless steel railing, his fingers slightly grazing hers in the process. Khushi reacted by immediately drawing back that hold, he was too close for comfort again. Why does he keep doing this? She looked down at their hands and her eyes fell momentarily upon that ring again, something about the ring kept bothering her, she just couldn't figure out what though.

Both of them didn't say another word or move for the longest time. It was Khushi who broke this silence, "Why are you here Arnavji?" she asked, still not looking at him. Because you are here. Unfortunately that wasn't the response he voiced out loud, "Try this Khushi..." and then in a moment of uncharacteristic eagerness - he closed in on her and tilted her face upwards using his hands on her chin, so close that she could take in that fresh cologne, which was exquisitely him - "look at that cluster of stars...Khushi..." sensing her confusion, he continued explaining, "Straight up" and pointed towards it, "Yes, that's the one, with four of them...sparkling brightly" his voice fanned her face as he spoke.

His voice that touch - the proximity was stirring to life sensations she didn't think existed anymore. Helpless under this onslaught, she gave up and followed his directions to notice those stars twinkling in the night sky, "You know who they are?" he murmured in her ears. She didn't need to hear any further, Khushi turned abruptly wanting to stop him before he rendered her helpless but all thoughts flew out of her rational mind when she saw how close they stood. She let out a slight gasp when she felt him bring her closer, her eyes fell on that scar on his eye-lid before they settled on his eyes, and it was like she was starring at herself - at unmasked, naked truth. Unable to hold back, Khushi traced the outlines of the scar with the tip of her index finger sending him into frenzy, and before she realized it, he brought her fingers to his lips - and kissed them tenderly while his other hand held her in a possessive grip by her waist.

Overwhelmed, Khushi closed her eyes hoping to mask her emotions but could not stop the tears that trickled down as her defenses slowly melted away against his onslaught. However she snapped her eyes open in absolute shock, the very next moment - when she felt his thumb lightly graze her lips. Her eyes fluttered open as she pushed him back and leapt out of his hold realizing the urgent need to put an end to this, "Nooo..." her voice came out strained; and before he could react, she had walked back inside the apartment hoping the distance would help rein in those rogue emotions and her own treacherous heart that had suddenly come to life.

Arnav looked at Khushi, his Khushi as she sat motionless on the sofa. If she was hoping for some space, Arnav certainly paid no heed. He followed her in and knelt down on the floor in front of her in a move so uncharacteristically Arnav Singh Raizada, in either action or in words that it took both of them by surprise. Khushi could only stare in absolute silence, as he encased his hands firmly over her shaky ones, "Khushi..." he held her hand softly, stroking his thumb back and forth across her knuckles in a soothing gesture, "Khushi please..."

Khushi found herself starring back at a certain vulnerability - and was certain it was a reflection of her own state of being, "I came to take you home" he said.

It was no lie, there was no pretence; it wasn't a game - she saw. Truth, was all there was to it. And Khushi didn't get it, "Why now" she asked with curiosity laced words, "What's changed?" Reflexively, she tried to pry her hands off his hold but he would not let go "What if I refuse?" she asked again but he ignored her protests and kept saying what he had to, "I'm not here to let you go Khushi..." his hold was still strong, "I mean it, please come back home Khushi"

"Why?" she asked again.

"Why?" he snapped, "What do you mean why?" and immediately realized he shouldn't have raised his voice.

"You can't force me" he removed his hands like they had just been scarred by her words, "Like before" she said unbothered by his obvious discomfort. She would defy her heart because it only led down a path of hurt stained with tears, home was where she was.

"Khushi...please, that's not what I meant"

"Why do you get to decide everything Arnavji?" She looked at him, was that a hint of fear she saw in them, "Why don't you ask me what I want for a change?"

To her credit Khushi waited for his response and when there was none, she gave him a wry smile and said, "Somethings never change do they Arnav ji?"

He kept starring at her letting those words sink in, "That's all you remember?" he asked incredulously. A little hurt even though he was pretty sure, he deserved every bit of her anger.

She simply stared back blankly, eyes still trying to decipher things, words had failed to convey. 

"Home..." she rued, "I've been searching for one all my life"

Alarmed by her words and that faraway look in her eyes, he spoke, "Khushi..." but she motioned him to let her speak, "I lost home even before I knew what a home was... when I finally began to understand what it meant; I realized it wasn't real but a mirage as I was constantly reminded that I was the outsider. I tried my best to be one of them... and then Sheesh Mahal happened..." Arnav was beginning to dread where this was headed because he knew who the antagonist was in this tale, did he still think he deserved to take her home? But she wasn't done yet, "Then...you snatched away my only semblance of a home with one single stroke and made me an outsider once again. Every day you made it clear to me that, I was not welcome at your home...I was married but I had no home...or had a husband or a family, to call my own. I was alone amidst all those people, why would I ever want to go back, to such a place, or your home?"

Was he prepared to give an honest answer?

Part 22

Part 22

Nothing prepares you for the unexpected. It was no different for Arnav, and Khushi's barely audible whisper "So?" in response to his harried confession was all it took. The initial rage that coursed through him ebbed away against the sheer veracity of that word, and left him reeling. How the hell was he supposed to respond when words were so hard to come by?

Arnav gazed across the room starring at Khushi who stood motionless and eerily quiet - and suddenly that gulf in between seemed bigger than a mere few strides. Would it take a lifetime to traverse this divide?

They wouldn't realize it of course but while Arnav stood in the dark corner of the room perhaps fittingly, Khushi stood closer to the light source bathed in its warm glow with the cover of a million simmering stars in the background behind her. If only Arnav believed in mysticism, he could have interpreted this as some divine providence, but he did not have a mystical streak or believe in higher powers that be. Khushi on the other hand was still miffed with her Devi Maiiyaa, so divine interventions were outside her current radar.  May be someday they could re-discover those divine ties together, may be.

From her end, she saw the outlines of a man she could barely recognize, his face hidden partially by shadows that fell across his side of the room; Khushi had not missed anything, not even how his stance had gone stiff at her response.  Used to Arnav's aggression, this restraint - this man was new to her too, and it took her by surprise. In the days to come, she would scrutinize it and come to accept albeit begrudgingly that she did not like this version who was neither Arnav Singh Raizada nor that Arnavji, but it wasn't time for that yet. For now, she had no clue, how damaged this man truly was from inside out - the hard exterior was nothing but a mere faade used to mask his inner vulnerability.

As the depth of his words registered in her mind, she was seized by a flurry of questions, "So?" had escaped almost reactively, while her mind had asked, why now? She stammered, not able to string coherent words together, "why..." And shut her eyes trying to calm herself down, "What does it matter now?" Khushi realized she had been holding her breath only once those words were out.

Arnav watched her intently, studying the play of emotions on her face, her features that were accentuated magnificently by the light yet all he noticed was the missing sparkle in those eyes, that mischievous air that defined who she was, that Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada who defied him at every step she could. He hated it, all of it just like he hated her indifference; because the woman who stood before him now was a pale shadow of hisKhushi. In a desperate attempt to hold on to what little he could, Arnav inched towards her, in slow - deliberate but determined steps; and before she knew it, he was by her side and she had nowhere to run.

"What do you mean by that?" he asked hurt dripping through each stilted word, his hands itched to hold her close, and eyes that could not seem to get enough of her; he would have given anything to hold her in his arms and kiss her senseless! Patience was not one of his virtues and her close proximity did not help his cause any further.

"It doesn't matter anymore" Khushi repeated as she stared back at him impassively, "None of it matters..." She spoke with as much conviction as she could muster up against his over-powering presence, "Nothing?" He asked as her denial egged him on, the hurt all too palpable. Drawn to her like iron fillings to a magnet, he closed in on the remaining distance between them and this time, he could not restrain himself any longer as reached out and pulled her towards him, and instantly a surge of familiarity invaded both their senses as their bodies came in contact, "So nothing matters to you?" his touch was gentler and his harsh voice caressed her face, "Nothing...Khushi?" He shook her slightly upon getting no response, "Nothing?" his control close to snapping at every denial she hurled at him.

"Yes" she said loud and clear, "Nothing matters anymore"  and pushed him away, freeing herself from his grip and took a few steps back increasing the distance between them, "You made that very clear before you boarded that flight...why this drama now, what are you even doing here anyway?" she wasn't done yet, "When I've put everything behind me, you come back expecting answers?" her eyes aglow with a fiery ablaze demanding an answer back, "I'm no longer answerable to you. Why can't you just let me be?" she closed her eyes trying to gain some composure, "And just let me be..." it came out more as a plea.

"You don't mean that..." he said and she snapped her eyes open, the hurt all to visible in those eyes - too obvious for him to ignore, "I came back Khushi... "his voice went alarmingly soft, "But you were gone" as if that was reminder enough, his jaw clenched and he closed in on her again, "How could you just walk away like nothing mattered?" reducing the gap between them - dangerously close, trapping Khushi between the glass windows as he hissed "Do you even know what I've gone through since then...trying to ... Wondering if..." And the next instant she felt his hands cup her face, his touch so gentle and nearly fleeting almost as if he was scared she would vanish at any moment if he held on too tight, "I thought you..."

But when he got no reaction from her, he lost his patience, "Khushi..." His hands which were gentle on her so far suddenly gripped her firmly and brought her petite frame flush onto his, "Khushi say something dammit!" his voice fanned her face, the familiarity irked her as did her passivity to his aggression. Knowing it was useless; Khushi stopped struggling and matched his stare with a piercing gaze of her own. The sheer intensity in those eyes told him in no uncertain terms what her words had not yet.

"Why does it always have to be about you?" she hissed back matching his aggression with her own, "Khushi..." but she cut him off, "No, let me" she demanded, "It was always about you" he couldn't decipher that look in her eyes, " It was always your Di, your family,  your reputation, your this...your money...well guess what?" she pushed at him again, but he was in no mood to let her go, their physical struggle was reminiscent of their ongoing verbal spat with both refusing to let an inch, "I refuse to be a pawn again, because unlike what you may think, I hurt too, my family hurts too...and we may not be as rich as you but ... " she checked herself and stared at him scathingly, "You took away everything...everyone...you made me a pawn because you couldn't deal with the truth" his movements stilled as her words hit home, "You didn't want to hear a word that day when I had so much to say and today I have nothing to say. We are done"

Emotion, sharp and clarifying clenched his stomach at her words and that look of pure contempt on her face, he let her go of his own volition. Khushi instantly staggered away from him but she was far from done, "I don't know what to say anymore... because everything has changed. I know I was a naive fool who thought ..." But she quickly steered away from that quicksand, "Can't you see, I'm trying to make something for myself, away from everything, everyone...why can't you just let me be. Why did you even come here Arnavji?"

May be it was her question, or the fact that this was the first time she had called him that ever since they had met again, he softened. It was like a trigger that roused something dormant. Khushi saw him reach for his wallet and take out a few notes all the while his eyes never left hers, and before she knew it, he had them placed on her palms, "I came because you called me Khushi...and don't bother denying it because, you are a terrible liar" his eyes locked with hers, and it was Khushi who averted hers this time, unable to refute. This man would be the death of her one day; Khushi Kumari Gupta was at a loss of words for the second time in less than an hour.

"So will you stop pretending, that nothing matters?" he asked warily suddenly feeling depleted of all strength, his will to fight diminishing every second, this was not what he was here to do, "We need to talk Khushi, can we at least be civil about it?" someone had to wave the white flag first, and if it meant getting her to listen to him, he was all game for it, "I can't fight you anymore" he said, looking deep into her eyes hoping she could see his sincerity. "I..." But the moment was lost when the loud shrill of his cell-phone startled them both and they stood there just staring at each other as the phone kept on buzzing.

He wasn't keen on receiving the call but it was hard for him to ignore Khushi's expressive eyes as they stared back, aren't you getting that?Annoyed at this disturbance, he took out the phone from his pocket and answered gruffly, "What?"

"What the f**k?" he swore, "Now?" Arnav looked up at Khushi with a somber expression, "Sure?" he said. Khushi kept her eyes on him as he answered in grim monosyllables, "Fine" and he paced the room anxiously, "I'm here" and cut the call. Obviously something had come up, she concluded because his face had visibly paled by the end of that call.

Khushi was too preoccupied to notice or just too caught up in the moment, and the reality of it all, that she missed the loud knock on the door. It wasn't till, she saw Aman enter, and looking hassled only to halt momentarily at the threshold upon seeing her that she realized what had just happened.

"Ma'am" he greeted her with a surprised smile and she returned it with a courteous nod of her own. When he turned towards Arnav, he looked rather apologetic to have interrupted him at this hour, "Sir, I apologize but...this is urgent" And looked over at Khushi, "You need to see this Sir ...erm..." he hesitated. Sensing his discomfort, Arnav spoke, "Khushi will you join us at the table, this is important" surprising both Aman and Khushi in the process. She walked over holding on to the three hundred rupees in her hand.

A few minutes later, all three were seated on the dining table, "Sir, these are the pictures from Paradiso" Aman was treading cautiously; "Earlier in the evening" Aman chose his words carefully afraid at the reaction the revelation would bring. He was well versed with Arnav's anger, and this he knew was one touchy subject for his perpetually hot headed boss.

A small gasp escaped Khushi's lips even before she could comprehend, and she tried in vain to stifle it with her hand but the damage was done as both the men looked up from the screen and to her, "Relax Khushi..." Arnav spoke and placed his hand over hers reassuringly, Khushi tried to pry her hand away but his grip was relentless. Aman was too engrossed to notice this ongoing battle underneath the table, "So you were telling me the truth?" relief washed over her as the truth sank in, despite his claims, there was a lingering doubt at the back of her mind about how he may have manipulated things to have her there so this was a pleasant shock, for a change. She kept looking at him suddenly aware that this threat posed by the media - the circus was very much real and not just something he had conjured up for his convenience. Having experienced the brunt if it back in Lucknow, she knew what an ugly beast it was. And so was grateful for this reprieve.

He nodded in confirmation and spoke about gravely, "There is more Khushi...apparently" There was an ominous air to his voice, almost like he was preparing her for some bad news, "The press has always been at my back, there is nothing new to that. In the past, I had things under control but" he let out a tired sighed as he rubbed his forehead, "Recently, we had come to suspect that someone is behind all these incriminating articles"

Annoyed at the direction of her thoughts Khushi sought to keep a tab on her emotions the best way she could, "How does any of that concern me?" she asked defiantly much to his irritation. To his credit, he did not show it. By now, Arnav Singh Raizada knew, he had wronged this woman, his wife, and so in his mind, her grievances were valid. Hell, he would have loved nothing more than to see that feisty Khushi who fought him tooth and nail back. But still, her words hurt because it reminded him of how badly he had messed up everything. And Khushi was constantly fluctuating between two extremes, making it hard for him to preempt her. It wasn't easy being Arnav Singh Raizada.

"Sir..." Aman spoke bringing him out of his thoughts, "This was not Lavanya Maam"

"Lavanya?" Khushi butted in perplexed at the direction of this talk, "What's going on here?" she turned towards Arnav for an explanation, "We recently found out that Lavanaya may have been behind all the tabloid crap on my supposed affairs" The detachment with which he spoke surprised Khushi, "But why?" Lavanaya was her friend, she was a good girl, "Why would she smear her own name like this?" and this time, both the men looked up from the screen at her surprised with her naivety.

"What does she get from doing all of this?" Khushi asked still not ready to believe a word against Lavanya, "People have sinister motivations Khushi" Arnav's response was almost didactic in ways, "Sometimes, money, fame..." and he noticed the way Khushi's eyes stung at the mention of money, " or revenge" he concluded. He hated himself more that very moment; of all the things he had called her - gold-digger being the most prominent. What was he thinking driving her away like that, why did he fear what they had?

"I refuse to believe it" Khushi said, "We parted in good terms, she would never do this...she was the one who told me..." and then she stopped because she couldn't say the rest out loud, not now, not ever, her inner voice reminded her. "ASR doesn't understand but Khushi you are smarter..."Lavanya's parting words rang in her ears, "It's true Ma'am, we have proof" Aman interjected, "But...its" Khushi was at a loss of words now, it was so unlike the girl she had known, Lavanya did not seem like the type to hold on to malice in her heart. It just did not add up.

"There is more..." Aman took out a brown envelop and placed it on the table nervously and pushed it towards Arnav, "Its' from..." he looked at Khushi, "From?" she asked suddenly feeling jittery about everything.

"Mama's kitchen" Arnav's voiced his displeasure as he handed the pictures to Khushi, his gaze still fixed on the color photo "It's you and..." only Arnav knew how he had controlled an inexplicable urge to break something at this point, it's the camera angle, he kept repeating in his head. Khushi wasn't...no. What were they doing so close? Sharing recipes? Damn! He really wanted to snap that Raul's head off at this point.

"Raul!" to say she was surprised would be an understatement; "Haii...these are from this morning!" she looked up embarrassed, "What's going on?" her initial embarrassment with the photograph was quickly replaced by this gnawing fear as she looked up at the grim faces staring back at her.

Aman was the first to break the uneasy silence, "The police are interrogating the photographer right now"

"Photographer?" Khushi felt lost at this point, "Police?" What the heck was going on here?

"Ma'am" he looked at Arnav, who signaled him to carry on, "We were investigating the leads on Lavanya Ma'am when we stumbled upon this. Apparently, this guy was hired to keep tabs on your whereabouts..."

"Oh!" Khushi didn't bother suppressing her shock this time around. And even then, Aman was not done, "The police just confirmed that the guy was not a professional photographer but a petty criminal who was out on parole" Sensing her anxiety, Arnav ripped the tab off a bottle of chilled sparkling water and poured it in a glass and handed it to Khushi. And knowing that all this was too much for her to take in at once, he gestured Aman to stop and turned towards Khushi and took both her hands in his, "He gave us a lead Khushi and the police are trying to track it down" his hands were firmly clamped over her shaky ones, trying desperately to assuage her fears, tell her that she was not alone this time. This time, he made no attempts to hide it from Aman nor did she try and pry it away.

"Sir, I've beefed up security everywhere" the emphasis on everywhere was not lost on Arnav, there was no way he was letting Khushi walk around without security with a stalker on the prowl.

It wasn't till Aman was gone that Khushi spoke up again even as she watched Arnav lay out the food on the table, "Why is someone taking my pictures?"

He stilled, knowing very well, it was his fault. He had brought this upon her once again. If only he hadn't come to Mumbai and tracked her down, Khushi would have been happy and possibly away from harm's way. He carefully placed the plate before her and sat down next to her, "Let's eat first Khushi, we have the whole night to talk about this"

"No I want to know..." she was adamant, "Now" she demanded upon getting no desired response and pushed the plate away. She was done dancing to his tunes, "If you don't have the decency to tell me who is behind this. I refuse to stay here any longer, I am going home" He held her back before she could get up. Khushi waited for him to speak, noting the way, he closed his eyes before he looked back at her, "Do you suspect anyone Khushi?"

"No, it was just that Manager but you..." she was thinking hard at this point, there was no one else who had bothered her in these past three years, "They've ruled out the manager" Arnav spoke grimly and in that moment they knew, he didn't need to say it loud but both of them had the same man in their mind.   

And with it, an ominous foreboding of fear gripped her, effectively immobilizing her. Images of her struggle from that day flashed before her eyes, as the maniac came onto her, and to think that he could have been following her the past few days unsettled her greatly. If Anjali had not walked in on them that night and saved her from his clutches, "No..." Khushi did not want to think about that monster again, not now, not ever! She sank back on the chair and spoke, her eyes focused on a speck of dust on the table, "It can't be him..." she looked at him hopefully, "I thought he was in..." trying desperately to make sense of all these revelations. Arnav stared back stoically; he did not have the heart to tell her that Shyam had been released from jail already. Heck, he didn't even know how to broach the topic of Shyam, who was the source of everything that had soured between them.

Ten minutes later, Khushi was still starring at the food on the plate, she wasn't scared per say but the idea of him being out there unnerved her slightly. It couldn't be anyone else, she wasn't important enough for random strangers to start stalking her. It felt like dj vu again, everything was coming back, at breakneck speed.

"Khushi, its getting cold" Arnav spoke hoping to snap her out of her troubled daze, "Khushi..." he spoke again, her excruciating silence and the faraway look in her eyes scarred him. When he did not get any response from her, he leaned towards her and flicked her nose gently and it did the trick as she looked at him a little startled, "What?" and immediately jerked away finding him too close for comfort. Why can't this man keep his hands to himself!

He looked at her plate and then back up to her teasingly, "I thought food was your best friend?" Hoping he could irk her enough to keep her distracted, Arnav set about doing just that, "What?" there was a frown on her face, "Its Italian food" he said, had he missed something?

She shrugged taking him by surprise.

"But you are a professional chef in an Italian restaurant?" he said, you don't cook that stuff day in and day out if you don't like it, he meant to say. Why else would you specialize in this cuisine? He wanted to know.

"So? Are you saying a butcher has to eat meat all the time?" he nearly choked on the pasta as the incredulity of her words hit him and then for the first time in many days he smiled because Khushi was beginning to sound a little crazy which was actually a good sign, so he decided to meddle with her mind further, "You know Khushi, my first instinct after finding out you were a professional chef would have been to scour all the sweet shops in Mumbai..." he deliberately left out the last part knowing very well Khushi would fill in the blanks.

"What do you mean?" Her head snapped up and for a moment he saw that familiar spark back, would she take the bait? He wondered and when she spoke next, he knew she had, "Are you implying that I am good enough to make jalebis only?"

He smirked, welcome back Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. 

Part 21

Part 21

 Khushi paid the auto and stepped out apprehensively; now that she was here, she wasn’t too confident anymore. But since running away was not an option she took a deep breath and decided to go through with it, once and for all.

“You want to talk out here?” he wasn’t keen on that but Khushi was adamant and sat down on a chair in the middle of the restaurant, “I’m fine here”

He looked around and satisfied seeing Paradiso virtually empty “As you wish” he sat down, “Don’t say I didn’t warn you”

“So what have you decided?” he asked without wasting any more time, “I’ve already made my decision” Khushi looked at him, “I am done here”

He smirked as he leaned back on the chair, “So you have decided to pay the fine for breach of contract?” Khushi saw him twiddling his thumbs and it only reminded of his improper advances, “I refuse to pay anything. As far as I know, I’ve worked here for less than six months, and there is no notice period”

“Clearly, you haven’t read that contract you signed. Care to refresh yourself?” he asked, “After what you tried to pull off, why you think I care about anything?” If looks could kill, the man would be dead by now.

“Because... you wouldn’t be here if you didn’t care” Khushi’s face fell at the truth in those words, “So pick your best option and let’s settle this like two consenting adults” his eyes sparkled with an inappropriate mischief, “I’m not used to losing” he said, “There is an easy way out for you. It would be a shame…” he couldn’t have made things any more obvious, “You can go places, you know…so young…” It was almost as if Khushi’s fear fueled him on.

“You disgust me” she spat out, “Shh…not so loud” he looked around, “You’ve got more to lose” there was a sinister edge to his voice, “I told you its better if we take this inside my office”

“What’s the amount I owe Paradiso?” Khushi asked, “Why are you making this so hard for yourself Khushi…” he placed his hand over hers only to have Khushi pull back right away, “S.T.O.P!” she jerked back, “I’ll take you to court” but her voice was lacking any real conviction. Amused by her hollow threats, he arched his brows quizzically; “By paying the lawyer peanuts?” he was having fun now.

“You know what, do what you want, I’m through with this” Khushi got up, “You aren’t worth the trouble”

“Wait” he lunged forward and tried to grab her hand unmindful of curious eyes around them.  Luckily Khushi pulled away on time ready to flee until she hit a solid wall behind her, “What the!?” she spoke surprised by the block– there was no wall here! It was only when she saw the Manager stare behind her that it registered, and she turned around only to find Arnav glaring at the Manager! His jaws were set at a grim line and his hands fisted by the sides told her all she needed to know, he was angry. To say she was surprised would be some understatement. But before she could react, she felt him push her away slowly till it was him standing in between. She wouldn’t admit to it of course but Khushi was more than glad to see him there.

“Get lost!” the Manager wasn’t amused by this untimely intrusion, “Where is the contract?” Arnav asked, his voice was controlled but Khushi knew restraint didn’t come naturally to him.

“Who the fuck are you?” the Manager hissed angrily, “Oh wait” he stopped as it dawned on him, and then he looked back and forth between Arnav and Khushi, a sly smile broke his lips as he said, “You two …” his fingers pointed at them, “That’s why you want to quit, you found this chocolate face to screw…”

Khushi didn’t even have time to process those words when she heard a resounding slap, and the very next moment Arnav was holding the Manager by the collar, his words threatening and his tone ominous, “Get this in your fucking head, she is N.O.T coming back here”

The Manager, not a man to succumb so easily spat on his face in response and mouthed a “Fuck off” even as he struggled to free himself from Arnav’s hold. Khushi was too shocked to react.

Arnav didn’t want to create a big scene wary of the press that was always on his heels, the last thing he needed now was for them to get a whiff of this, “My lawyer will be here tomorrow to clear the dues, if any” he stressed on those words, “Otherwise I’ll see you in court”

“For what?”

“Don’t worry” it was Arnav’s turn to give him a wry smile this time, “You’’ find out soon…”

“You don’t scare me chocolate face… and I have nothing against you, it’s that bitch, isn’t it” he tried to move towards Khushi but nope, no one was going to get away calling Khushi a bitch at Arnav’s face. Enraged at his lewd insinuations, Arnav snapped and held him back and before the Manager knew what hit him, kneed him on the groin, “That is Mrs. Raizada for you” and again before shoving him away hard onto the tables behind them. The big guy yelped in pain as he staggered back, but he was quick to recover, “Raizada? as in AR Designs?” he knew then, that he’d messed with the wrong man.

Arnav walked over and warned him one last time “Stay away from her” And with that he turned around and without looking at Khushi, grabbed her hand and led her outside, she scampered to meet his pace studying his face which was an impregnable mask at this point, his words ringing in her ears, “It’s Mrs. Raizada, Mrs. Raizada…what the?” Her head was spinning already.

Eyes wide, “Mrs. Raizada?” Khushi stared at him for clues as he led her to the car “Let me go you big bully” she struggled but couldn’t free herself from his hold.

“Relax Khushi…” he said as he pushed her into the passenger’s seat and slammed the door shut, “This is not a joke, you know” Khushi argued, “You can’t just go around …” but he kept on ignoring her, “You can’t walk away like that, what that was supposed to mean?” her eyes followed his movements to the other side of the car.

“What!?” he asked, “You said Mrs. Raizada?” her voice dropped as he got in the car suddenly aware of his presence in that confined space, “Yes, So?” he raised his eyebrows like she was the one being unreasonable, “So, I said Mrs. Raizada. Now unless you want to go back there and tell him otherwise, stop complaining” No this was not how he had planned on telling her but he couldn’t change it now, “I had to get him off your back. Now he won’t trouble you” Arnav averted his eyes and started the engine hoping she would let this go for now.

“I don’t need your favors…” she crossed her arms and refused to fasten her seat belt knowing very well that irked him no ends. If only Khushi had realized he hadn’t been making things up about them…

Arnav chose to ignore her protest and focused on the road instead. It wasn’t easy for either of them, to be together like this and not really be together or to be caught up in silence when there was so much they could talk about. The silence was a shackle both struggled to break off.

It was Khushi who turned first and it was like nothing had changed between them because his expressions gave nothing away. He was still the every bit mysterious enigma who had his way, always. Would this ever change? She wondered.  Scared at the direction of her thoughts,  and afraid that the emotions she had struggled so hard to keep away would resurface, Khushi forced her eyes away from Arnav, from the only man she had ever loved; who could go from prince charming to the devil at the drop of a hat. Khushi sank back into the seat and closed her eyes, trying to shut out everything. He was not a good influence for her sanity, she knew all too well.

When Arnav finally looked at her a few minutes later, he was overcome with a strange emotion, if only he could keep her by his side like this, safe and protected, forever. If only. This wonderful person whose laughter he had robbed!

Khushi opened her eyes only when the car stopped, eager to get away from him but her hopes were dashed right away, “This is not my hostel” she looked up at the apartment that towered right above her, “You are staying here tonight” he spoke, “It’s better…” it wasn’t a request and she knew.

“Why would I listen to you? Take me back to the hostel” she demanded but he did not respond. Frustrated with his stubbornness, Khushi opened the door ready to take off on her own. And then just as she was about to get off, she stopped because it happened so quickly and unexpectedly that both of them stilled and looked at each other and then back down on his hand which was firmly clasped over hers!  A mere touch served as a reminder of happier times, when a spark was enough to light a fire. Uncomfortable under his steady gaze and his touch; she pulled back her hand awkwardly, “I should go…”

 “Khushi please…” his strained voice stopped her from fleeing, but it could not kill the uneasiness around them. Afraid that any more silence would push her further away from him, Arnav blurted out the first thing that came to his mind, “You don’t want to be hounded by the press Khushi” Arnav  was game for anything that would give him more time with her, as long as it didn’t hurt her.

 “Kya?” used to a life of obscurity, Khushi didn’t get it right away, “They follow me everywhere Khushi” which wasn’t entirely false, “and with what just happened” he played with the car keys nervously, “By now, every reporter worth his salt will have got a whiff about what happened back there. And if they find out who you are…they might…” he stopped hoping she would understand, and immediately softened up as he saw fear in her eyes,“ Khushi, trust me it’s for your own good. I promise I’ll drive you back to the hostel tomorrow morning by which time Aman will have taken care of everything”

“I don’t really have a choice do I?” she asked wryly. How could he respond to that? What was he supposed to say? The truth would only drive her away, so he chose silence and led her to the elevator lobby instead, “This way…”

Khushi went through her options and realized that there was a grain of truth in his words; and as much as she hated being with him, it was still better than having to deal with random strangers aka pesky reporters, she had no desire to entertain. A sullen LG was at least somewhat predictable. So she chose the lesser of the two evils, until Deeya’s shift gets over, she told herself.

Arnav kept stealing glances at Khushi throughout the elevator ride even as she was lost in her thoughts. It wasn’t till they were between the 11th and 12th floors, that he finally spoke “You shouldn’t have gone there all alone”

“Why?” she asked, her eyes focused on the 544 Kg weight limit as written on the wall, irrelevant information that she would soon forget.

 “He could have hurt you” he said.

Arnav could not decide which was more lifeless, Khushi or her words, “I don’t hurt so easily anymore”

“He will be taken care of. I assure you, he will never bother you again” No one could have guessed that they had a life time worth of pain to deal with beneath that calm façade.

When she did not respond to his assurance, he expected her to walk out when the lift stopped at his floor but to his surprise she did the exact opposite. Khushi turned around and looked at him squarely in the eye and said something, he would never ever forget in his life henceforth, “I expected you to do this that night” numbed with her words, he could only stare as she walked away from the elevator and towards his apartment.

 He followed her wearily. Their eyes met briefly as he took out his keys and unlocked his apartment door, Khushi walked in without another word only to stop before the French windows overlooking the vast ocean outside. It looked so serene…she noticed.

The click of the door, usually non-existent was amplified in the silence. It felt strange to be back here Khushi realized, the last time only a few days ago, she had woken up to a nightmare… and yet here she was back again! Sometimes life did not make any sense. She could see his hazy reflection on the glass but she did not have the gumption to turn around and face him, “Khushi…” he treaded cautiously unsure how to take things forward, “Please look at me…” he spoke with all the tenderness he could muster up, “We need to talk…”

Khushi turned around uneasily “I shouldn’t have come here…” he noticed she was fidgeting with her dupatta, “I…umm…” and looked towards the hallway connecting the bedroom to the living area almost like she expected someone to walk out from there, “I … will go back” her eyes furtive as she avoided eye-contact with him.

“Damn” he swore silently as it hit him, there was no point keeping her guessing, taking a deep breath he said, “I live here alone…” and saw her head jerk up in surprise. Arnav walked a few paces towards her and convinced he had her complete attention, “Natasha is a new business associate of AR Designs, it is a strictly professional relationship…just like the dinner last week was” Arnav said, “I’m not…” this was hard, “As is Lavanya who works in AR… I don’t expect you to believe me Khushi but I’ve kept my end of the deal…” they both knew what he was referring to. His honesty reflected through his eyes and it held her captive, for the first time in years; Khushi couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. Arnavji had truly surprised her.