Reminder to Self.

Its Subhadra Malik.

NOT

Devyani Malik.

ps. I keep messing up these two names for some reason. Hope this reminder helps :D

Part 28

Arnav was a complex man. Khushi knew that better than anybody else, not that it made things any easier for her though. Instead, what would have helped was why he was the way he was; and since that was still a mystery, it left her guessing and on the back foot. Add a layer of brooding silence over that complexity, you had one grumpy LG. Didn't mean she didn't try. Ever since their marriage, it was always her doing all the running around, trying to catch up, or understand him, his actions and even his over blown reactions. It was always her who would take that first step to mend the broken bridges, and infuse a sense of normalcy to their lives. They were inherently different and so Khushifying everything didn't always make things better. There was a whole lot of conjecture in most things she attempted. Obviously that wasn't sound footing for any relationship, and one like theirs solemnized in an empty temple devoid of its priest, under dubious circumstances, was as fragile as they came.

In the past during her lowest ebbs following the move from Delhi to Mumbai, she used to sit alone and go over everything. In those moments, she would try to make sense of that man she had agreed to let go, divorce. Arrogant, egoistic and basically a jerk were the first things she would come up with at the memory of Sheesh Mahal.

He had accused her of ruining his fashion show, broken off her pearls and even had her locked up so brazenly. Sort of a thing you do, when you are powerful and egoistic enough to completely disregard the law, consequences be damned. But that wasn't all, Sheesh Mahal may have been all of that but it was also about that one moment, a fleeting one when he held her close - and they saw each other for the first time in the real sense. For the longest time, she thought it was anger, only to learn much later truth was far from it and that the emotions in his eyes had mirrored hers, it certainly wasn't anger.

Then there was the whole torrid office experience, his relationship of convenience with Lavanya - and all his unexplained anger that was reserved solely for one, Khushi Kumari Gupta. She had no clue when things moved past all that hatred, to tunes of unexplained acidity to the erratic dhakk dhakks and ultimately onto the first stirrings of desire. The first wave of awareness - of him had scared the living day lights out of her. But that wasn't the hardest part; it was tougher to watch from the sidelines as he pursued another even while his eyes coveted her's. And be swept up by waves so powerful that it didn't feel wrong to fall apart in his arms. But when the waves crashed against the shore, the magical spell was broken, the masks slipped - hopes shattered to bits and pieces.

The sound of her own heart breaking rang so loud, she ran scared worried others might hear it too or worse see that pain etched on her face. It was much later that she realized, what that kiss would have meant. Lavanya was her friend; it would have been the worst kind of betrayal. The kind you end up regretting a lifetime. 
But that came much later, when he walked out and announced his engagement to Lavanya in the immediate aftermath of that missed kiss, she felt hurt and her tears wouldn't stop. As if his haste announcement hadn't done the needful, he unleashed a barrage of caustic words that ripped her fragile heart to pieces serving her that first heartbreak on a silver platter. He didn't want her, his words said loud and clear. His eyes denied every word and she hated herself for being able to read them. Broken and defeated, she caved into the pressures at home. She got engaged to a married man as she would find out soon. Arnav adored, his sister. How could she tell him of Shyam's duplicity?

"Khushi, did your fiance do something?" he was worried she could tell. But she wasn't strong enough to tell him the truth; she did what came easiest at that point. Ran away. That was the start of all the troubles.

Even today Khushi remembered her father's words upon discovery of her first lie, never lie. You will always have to tell more lies to cover the first one.

If only - she had had the courage to tell him the truth. Perhaps the terrace would have played out differently?

But why would any sane man marry the woman he claimed to hate?

That's where Arnav Singh Raised confounded her. That also gave her the strength to endure the toughest days of her life post that nightmare of a marriage. Somewhere Khushi hoped the answer to that held the kernel of truth, one she dared not give voice to but one that she hoped for sincerely.

Until that fragile hope was broken by the man himself, and she was convinced, no good could ever come out of this. If he had so little regard for her, there was nothing left to fight for. It wasn't easy to leave it all behind but it was necessary. With time the pain eased up and she learnt to see beyond it. Pieces by pieces she tried to pick herself up. Leaving behind her own family was a necessity because along with being her strength, they were also her greatest weakness. And if she was to come out stronger, there was only one way. And yet, whenever she looked back and tried to piece things together,  she always came up short. She didn't understand him completely.

Until now that is.

The revelation about his past may have come like a bolt out of the blue, so unexpected but it had given her a vital key to solving a riddle that was Arnav Singh Raizada. There was so much information to take in; Khushi thought as she walked back to the living room with a glass of warm milk. But in the quiet of the night, with him safe and sound in the room next door, she could finally sit back and absorb everything. 
When she put Devyani Malik, the lady with a past, the recluse who had abandoned her own family in her own admission together with Arnav, her grandson - things fell in place. By default - the tragedy of her past was his too, as was the grief. So many horrors, deaths by suicide, infidelity and a marriage breaking down before it was even solemnized scarring a young boy of fourteen, traumatizing a young girl on the cusp of a new life; the implosion of a family leaving behind two scarred orphans. The pain she knew all too well. It wasn't hard to see how his mistrust was a product of that bitter past and seen through those broken lenses, the skew seemed inevitable. She had no inkling his past was so traumatic. If only you could tell by looking at people, what pain they held in their hearts or hid through their smiles, Anjali's cheerful countenance flashed before her eyes.

So much had changed between that dreadful night at Sheesh Mahal and now, punctuated by their divorce. The future still looked hazy but may be a little part of that haze had lifted tonight. May be. "Because I love you..." his words gave her new hope but would the man trust her with that past of his? Judging by the way he reacted, she had her doubts.

She placed the empty mug on the table and snuggled into the couch using her dupatta as a shawl, thoughts still preoccupied by him but this time they were thoughts that gave her hope - like her payal that was with him and what that really meant. There was so much about this man she did not know yet. But may be she knew the most important thing?

~oOo~

"What?" he was surprised, he shouldn't have been but he was, "Are you sure?" he wanted confirmation. This was going to change everything. He was aware of that.

The voice at the other end whispered back, "hold on" she kissed her sleeping daughter after tucking her in bed, "give me a sec..." and walked out to the balcony as quietly as she could mindful not to wake her up, "I think you should go back to the Old age home this weekend" she finally lifted the ban, "To spy on them?...You do realize what that means?" he wanted to make sure she knew what she was saying, "Are you ready to blow the cover?"

"You make it sound like some stealth operation" she said, "Don't worry, if Chotte has found Khushiji, then I'm sure, we're on track"

"You are basing all of this on an if?" he cautioned reminding her exactly what was at stake here, "I'm confident Ved...and even Akash is off to Lucknow" she sat down on the swing and confessed a truth she had been struggling to keep to herself the last few weeks, "I'm tired of all this...I just want all of us to move on with our lives...I feel strongly about this now" it was a beautiful night, may be this was the start she thought, of good things. In any case, she was tired of all the games, the hiding and white lies.

"Anjali..." it was moments like this he wished they were living in the same city, "I wish we were together right now..." he said softly, the distance was getting to him too.

~oOo~

He groaned as he flung the covers away and reluctantly sat up on the bed feeling irritable, annoyed and super thirsty. Waking up after a restless night with broken sleep was never fun but here he was up early on a Sunday morning just made it that much worse. It wasn't like he did not remember anything from the previous night, he did albeit in bits and pieces and very disjointed at this point of time, he was in a crabby mood and he did everything within his power to avoid that image of his grandmother from popping up inside his head and messing with his morning. Precisely why he just wanted to fall asleep. 
He reached for a glass of water but came up empty handed. He'd already downed the glass of water during the night so there was just an empty glass staring back at him now, Mouthing curses at Hari Prakash, he got to his feet stripped down to his boxers, and tossed the clothes carelessly over the hamper at the far end of the room. During which time, his mind was already busy planning the rest of the morning; first he needed some water, then may be a nice long jog by the beach to get rid of the hangover, he could do that. But, he felt lightheaded after taking the first few steps and had to take a moment to steady himself; he had had too much to drink the night before, his body was showing the signs. There was a reason he didn't do the heavy drinking - he was diabetic and alcohol did funky things with his system. "Right" he sighed, that was before his, "aoowww" he closed his eyes as a sharp pain shot through him, "f**k" he swore as he felt a sharp object prick his bare foot.

He bent down and picked up Khushi's payal, which he no doubt had flung aside sometime during the night, "Khushi..." he sighed, "Oh Shit"and then it hit him, he had completely forgotten about her! "Shit!" Was she still here? Well there was only one way to find out.

This walk to the door and through the hallway that led to the living area with the kitchen to its side took him longer than it had ever taken him before. The confirmation of her presence got to him before he could actually see her, as the smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted through the fresh air that was no doubt streaming through the open balcony doors. He finally did see her when he reached the end of the corridor; he stopped at the end taken in by the sight before him. He didn't realize when he leaned in to the wall and had no clue how long he stood there just starring at her working away in his kitchen, her hair held up in a messy bun, her dupatta tossed over the diner chair carelessly as if it had always been there, she was so beautiful, he could stand and stare all day!

She knew he was there even before he had noticed. Khushi had been on edge as soon as she'd woken up, feeling refreshed but nervy. So when she heard the soft click of the door, she knew he was up. And when she heard the surprised gasp, she knew he'd seen her there. She had contemplated the idea of walking away before he got up but somehow that didn't feel right. Given everything that had transpired the last few weeks, the threat of Shyam and more importantly, her own acceptance of what she had known all along but had consigned to the backburner, meant it was that much harder to walk away now.  After his confession, after that revelation - she couldn't walk away like nothing mattered. She had no clue how to fix everything that was broken but she sure wasn't going to run away from it again. Time for running was over.

She moved the eggs on the pan conscious of his eyes on her, waiting for him to speak up, say something and break this awkward air but it never came. So tired of waiting, it was Khushi who spoke first, "No you are not dreaming" she blurted out the first thing that came to her head.

"Excuse me?" he sounded, she paused to make sense of that tone, baffled? So she put the spatula down and turned around only to have the winds knocked out of her lungs, "Hey Devi Maiyaa..." she exclaimed straight away, "what are you wearing?" mortified and yet unable to tear her eyes off him. If only she could pull off a miraculous disappearance right now, she would attempt it.Damn the man, why wasn't he dressed!

"What the...!?!" he straightened up, and looked down on himself, and then a smirk replaced that confusion, "dressed?" he questioned her, seriously!? His morning had just lit up. Thanks to her.

"Fine..." she shot back, shrugged her shoulders and went back to plating herself some breakfast, like it didn't bother her anymore, "Suit yourself" but her mind was on overdrive, Dressed, did he just read my mind, she felt mortified at what else he might have seen there.

"You know, if this bothers you. I don't mind undressing" he said furthering her discomfort. Khushi could deal with an enraged Laad Governor but a flirty and half-naked LG, was well... not exactly the same thing. So when she turned around a second time ready to give it back to him, she just could not come up with anything coherent "yooou...um..erm.." open mouthed and so out of depth, the appropriate response deserted her like rains in a desert,"hmmph..."so she simply shot him a glare and took refuge in the food. Hoping he would get the message and let it go. 
It was amusing to see her react this way, he noticed all the little things - like the fact that Devi Maiyaa was back, and that adorable things she did with her head which was more like a half nod - something she did when she was too shocked to react with words.
Would he just stop starring already, he wasn't letting it go was he, she thought, "What are you smiling at?" she finally asked. His fiery siren was back, "Your nose is red" he pointed out "again..." he said. Thankfully, his little faux pass had broken the uncomfortable air, it was a good start.

He defied her dare to go back and stood there starring at her, "You are still here" he said after a few moments and waited for her response but when he knew there was none coming his way, he spoke up again, "Scrambled eggs?" he questioned hoping that would break the ice.

"I'm hungry" she said tersely, "Of course!" he nodded, and followed her to the table after getting a bottle of water for himself. 
"the coffee smells good" he said as he pulled out a chair and reached for it.

"uh uh...uh..." Khushi tried to snatch it back but he was too quick for her, "Wait a minute?" he stared at the coffee and back up at her, "black..!?" it surprised him, what else had changed about her, "for you?" he asked.

"Why not?"

"You don't drink this..." he said.

"May be I do..." it was like she was hell bent on thwarting all his attempts at striking up a decent conversation. He understood. "Right..." and was about to sit down when Khushi's patience finally ran out, "For Devi Maiya's sake" she exclaimed, "will you just put a shirt on!!" there she said it, finally much to his amusement, "So it does bother you" he smiled smugly and deliberately took a sip of her coffee, "No sugar..." his eyes lit up, "it does..." and placed the coffee next to her, "just admit it" this was more of a dare, "Fine, just..." she pushed her chair back and stood up crossing her arms over her chest defensively, "Go change first..."

He straightened up, "Will you still be here when I...?" he needed that assurance, she nodded, "I'm not going anywhere until we talk about what happened yesterday" his face lost the smile as those words hit home. She watched the color drain from his face making her regret her words. But he surprised her the next moment when he stopped midway through the hallway and turned back to say, "Thank you"

Her face must have reflected her confusion because he answered before she could even voice a word, "For still being here" she kept a straight face only to exhale when he turned around. 

But he was back just as quick, she could tell from the look on his face, something was cooking in that head of his. She stared back wearily bracing herself, "Khushi..." his gaze fixed on hers, he asked "Last night...did we..." 


"Don't even go there..." she stopped him before he could elaborate any further.