Monday, December 22, 2014

Part 26

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Part 26

Sunlight streamed through the colonnaded passage that went around the outside of the building before filtering through to Mr. Mehra's office, bringing the earthen hues of the terra cotta tiled floors come to life. Some of that light bounced off the white walls bathing the office in a warm glow of positivity. There was nothing to hate about this place. For just beyond the walls, the outside view was nothing less than spectacular. Arnav was sold on first glance,"This place is beautiful, Mr. Mehra" it wasn't a lie.

Not surprisingly, once the work was done, Arnav walked out of the office, through the intricately carved arched door and the colonnaded passage, across the lawn at the back, right up to the edge of the property that overlooked the vast expanse of the ocean beyond. The sky was a perfect shade of azure with hints of little fluffy clouds scattered sparsely, both brilliantly lit up by the streaming sun - Arnav watched as the waves crashed upon the rocky shores soaking in the soothing sound.

"Simple, understated and so alive..." he ran a hand through his hair amused at the direction of this thoughts. He was starting to think like Khushi, "Its called simplicity but you won't get it...", she had once thrown these words at this face defiantly. It also brought back memories of the time she had crashed his sophisticated cocktail party and turned it into a very desi affair.But where the hell was she now? The reminiscent smile was quickly replaced by a frown, he could take her madness but not this silence.

Which to another was a cause of concern, "Mr. Raizada, is there a problem?" their interaction throughout the past hour had been one monotonous affair. So if a smiling Arnav threw Mr. Mehra off, the change of expressions only added to his confusion.

"I'm fine Mr. Mehra" he turned towards the concerned Manager, "Just that, this place is amazing. You've done a great job with it"

"All credit to our founders" said Abhay Mehra, the Manager of the Old Age Home. He was excited because this generous donation, if it came through would be his first real contribution towards the Home. It was exciting, he had waiting three years for it. "Thanks to the generosity of people like you, its through your help, we are able to keep this running" He was still trying to assess Arnav though. Arnav Singh Raizada did not fit the usual donor profile, and even though, he sounded genuine so far, he had to get this right, so his curiosity couldn't be simply brushed aside. There was a lot at stake.

The building looked even more impressive from the back, Arnav's attention was caught by the twin Gargoyles just below the roofline, "Is this listed as a Heritage building?" he asked,the classical features of the building brining in a wave of nostalgia. 

"Not yet" said Abhay, "We have been trying to get that through for the last few years but its been a struggle" he made no attempt to hide his disappointment.

"But why?" for a moment, Arnav sounded like a clueless young man not the suave businessman who knew the ways of the world.

"Sir" Abhay stressed, "Look at this place, we're sitting on a gold-mine" Abhay looked around, "The land is worth millions. And you can understand, why there are so many people who want a piece of this" Arnav nodded. Sensing Arnav's interest in the Home, Abhay offered to take him around, "Would you like a tour of our Home Mr. Raizada?" 

"Yes!" the quick yet detached response didn't make sense to Abhay. He just couldn't make up his mind about Arnav.

Ten minutes into the tour, Arnav had met a lot of people. Abhay had enthusiastically introduced him to members, while some were happy to meet him others stayed a mile away. He couldn't understand the resentment, "Its not anything new Mr. Raizada, some of these people have been hurt by their children. So they are wary of new people"  he explained, "Bitter memories"

And still, there was no sign of Khushi; if he didn't see her, the entire purpose of this visit would be lost.

"You have to see the herb garden Mr. Raizada" Arnav stopped him right away, "Wait, what?" What did he think he was, a cook? He was about to decline the offer for the tour when Abhay gave him no reason to"We'll have to go through the kitchen, its on the other side" Arnav was instantly on-board! The kitchen seemed like the perfect  Khushi hide-out. They walked through a half-flight of steps that led to a small foyer, "I bet this has secret passages too!" Arnav joked as he descended the steps.

Pat came Abhay's response, even though he was a few paces ahead, "Not a secret passage Sir but yes, there is a cellar I'm told"

It didn't surprise Arnav one bit, "How far is it?" he asked impatiently.

"We are almost there"

Arnav couldn't wait.

~~~

"Because I love you..." Khushi had lost count of the number of times she had woken up the past week hearing his whispers. She was learning just how difficult it was to ignore LG's confession. With so much playing on her mind, that Khushi had had a troubled week was a no brainer. But that was not all. Since his thoughts, words and voice had taken her hostage, it also meant she could no longer ignore the uncomfortable question, am I missing him? In response she felt a spine tingling chill run through her every single time -no she wasn't prepared to answer yet. And then there was also this frustration she had experienced after reading a series of blind items. Basically, her mind was swamped with Arnav, Arnav and Arnav. Clearly, the no Arnav plan had backfired. 

Luckily work kept her busy. Now with Raul gone back to Italy, there was more to do at Mama's Kitchen, so that was good. Khushi was surprised to learn that Italian mothers were similar to Indian mothers in the way they fussed about their children. Their emotional farewell, made her miss own mother, and sister and the entire family. Which made her mad at Arnav because in way it was his fault. Basically everything came down to him, it was all his fault, "Damn you Raizada" those were Deeya's words. But she'd made them her own.

Just before he left, Raul had apologized to Khushi for their encounter at the kitchen . All of that had brought things back to Arnav, yet again. How would he react, if he knew that picture wasn't just a lucky camera angle? Khushi felt defiant at one end, hell with it, she thought. She was divorced, she reminded herself, and so was under no legal or moral obligation. No amount of rationalizing made things seem right though. She just wanted to go back to a few weeks ago, when LG in Mumbai was a farfetched notion not a full-fledged reality! This complexity was not her thing. Khushi preferred simplicity while Arnav was anything but. 

"Khushi?" a voice, startled her and she turned abruptly, nearly tipping the pan in haste, "Careful!" Mrs. Malik rushed forward and steadied its sway, "You can talk to me you know?"

"I don't know what to do"

"Matlab?" asked Mrs. Subhadra Malik.

"Well" Khushi sighed and turned around, taking Subhadra's hands in hers, "I told him to stay away and he hasn't bothered me since" 

"Thats a good thing" Subhadra said, "He respects your decision"

Khushi shrugged, she wasn't sure, "It's his loss Khushi, if he can't see that ..." Subhadra tried to reassure her, "besides The important thing here is what do you want"

"Told him... I want to be left alone...I don't know why he has come back now Mrs. Malik" she confessed, "I just don't know... I was doing fine by myself" she paused thoughtfully, "Now its just complicated..." the voice dropped.

"Your confusion is telling" Subhadra pointed out. Sensing a dip in her spirits, Subhadra couldn't hold herself back. Running a hand over Khushi's head affectionately, she tried to help make sense of things,"I've seen a lot, old age does that to you" she smiled thoughtfully, "You know, nothing is constant in life and nothing is more important than being happy. Anything that takes away from that is not worth clinging on to. No resentments, anger, hatred, even worry is worth carrying around" Khushi was all ears now, "Be selfish because forgiveness is not only for the one who seeks it. When you deny it, it stays in you, slowly eating you from within and that just makes you miserable. While letting go, lets you be free."

She was not done, "Have you really moved on? Because if you had, his presence shouldn't have bothered you" that made a lot more sense that anything had the past week, "If thats the case, then may be you haven't been honest to yourself. Do that Khushi, find out what you really want. Close your eyes and try to see where you want to be five years from now" she waited for Khushi's response, upon getting a blank stare, "Do that for me? For the old lady who has seen too much, made mistakes, run away... and been a coward. Will you ?" she reiterated, "Remember, be selfish, and choose that which makes you happiest as nothing else matters"

Khushi nodded in approval, "Trust me, sometimes what we truly want and what we think we want are two very different things. Don't waste a lifetime figuring that out. Time is too precious to waste that way, and old age will be lonely if you have  only regrets for company" 

"I will make the effort Mrs. Malik, Thank you so much" Khushi smiled and hugged her. These two had developed an emotional bonding over time, soon life would put that to test.

"Are you two done yet?" the cranky uncle called out from the door interrupting them, "Coming Uncle" Khushi broke the hug, "I'll get things ready in here Mrs. Malik, please take of them outside?" 

Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and chanting the new mantra, "Let go" decided to pay heed. Sure she didn't have the answers yet but she could take it a day at a time.

~~~

Around the same time, the back door creaked open forcing Khushi's attention to it. Abhay walked in talking to another man, who was following him. Both men stopped at the threshold to study the errant hinge, "This is a safety hazard Mr. Mehra" And that's when Khushi's world stopped spinning, "What the!?" the words were out before she knew, loud and clear for all to hear. That voice, she recognized so well, as did he. She stared wide-eyed at him, questioning him, as to what he was doing there.

Arnav Singh Raizada royally ignored her as he walked into the room, focussed instead on pointing out the hazards of having a wooden door that creaked at the hinges as a fire-exit, "It doesn't even open to the outside" he complained, "Thats risky" he was the businessman from AR Designs now, not the man who had kissed her a week ago.How dare he! Arnav's snub had not been intentional but it kind of worked out that way, and he didn't want to let up seeing a wide-eyed Khushi with a burning red nose, she had no clue how it turned him on. A few more minutes wouldn't harm anyone, he thought.

"Khushiji!" exclaimed Abhay, drawing her attention to him forcefully.

"Unbelievable!" Arnav muttered under his breath, Khushi was like a magnet for unwanted attention, "Where are my manners" Abhay adjusted his tie, wiped his forehead before introducing who he thought to be perfect strangers, "Meet Mr. Raizada" he said, and when Khushi did not react as expected, "Arnav Singh Raizada, you know the famous AR Designs" he said, "And Mr. Raizada, this is..."

Mrs. Raizada, Arnav mused. He wasn't able to hold himself back from approaching her though, "Hi..." he greeted her softly and Khushi's heart literally skipped a beat, "How are you Khushi?" 

Their eyes met for what seemed like an eternity, in reality a mere few seconds, but the moment lingered on and neither could look away. While Arnav couldn't tear his eyes off her beautiful face, Khushi felt a surge of emotions rush through her making her deliriously happy. Dopey, to be precise. He did things to her, she hated it.

"You two know each other?" Abhay was surprised, "Yes...we... er.." Khushi struggled to come up with the right words, "umm..." Gee this was hard, she realized. Luckily for her, Arnav had her covered,"I'm a regular at her cafe, Mr. Mehra. She is a great cook" he said casually, completely unaffected. Khushi couldn't decide what annoyed her more.

"Of course! I should have known" Abhay relaxed, "She cooks the best..."

"Jalebis?" Arnav asked, "The best Italian food, our members just love her and thats why she is here every weekend" Abhay rambled on oblivious to the dynamics in the room. To them, it was just them in there. Both of them trying to discern the other, one was full of questions while the other danced around in playful mirth, the air around sizzled in anticipation.

"Ofcourse" he said but a distracted Khushi barely registered those words. Because he moved catching her off-guard, slowly but purposefully towards her, taking in what he could - of her, all of her, locking her in place, immobile and helpless under that penetrative gaze. Shaken by the sheer intensity of his eyes, she looked away. Afraid, anymore would reveal to him, what she had not admitted to herself, yet. 

Arnav stopped in front of her, bringing with him the deep woody scent that was unique to him. Khushi quickly moved away and busied herself with work. It didn't deter him though and he followed her, till he was standing behind her, "It smells good in here..." he said looking at the food lined up at the counter behind Khushi. 

Her head snapped up in surprise, "Is that Lunch?" he asked again motioning towards the food, Khushi nodded in affirmation. He stepped in closer causing her to step back on reflex. Khushi was now pressed against the counter with Arnav hovering dangerously close, he leaned in further towards the simmering curry and took in the aroma, "Hmmm...delicious" Their eyes met briefly as he swayed away reluctantly from the counter and her, the closest they had been in a week. Both of them did not want to tear away but it was the right thing to do.Except Arnav had other ideas, he stopped midway and now, his face was far too close to hers. Khushi gripped the counter tightly behind her. Arnav wanted to pull away but he felt terribly drawn to her. So instead, he leaned in closer. This was too much for poor Abhay, who could only stare wide-eyed, as the rich man flirted with the innocent Ms. Gupta. 

Their eyes met again and like before neither could look away. She waited through the knowing smile that adorned his face, "Your nose" he whispered softly, she touched it on reflex as a questioning gesture. This time though, he did pull away creating a  safe distance between them, "Its red" he pointed out. She managed to stifle a gasp but not the surprise in her eyes, "It happens..." she moved away, "It's hot in here...aaand...it happens...when I cook..." she nervously picked up a spatula from the counter. He could have spent an entire lifetime starring at her this way.

The spell was broken by Abhay, "Should we get going Mr. Raizada" He wasn't amused that Arnav was openly flirting with Khushi. Is this why, he had offered to donate so generously? Sure was a red flag for him, but he didn't know who he was dealing with, "So I'm not invited for lunch Mr. Mehra?" Arnav asked like it was the most normal thing to do leaving Abhay with very little choice.

"I'm sure, Mr. Raizada has other plans" Khushi didn't want him around, not here anyway, this was her place of refuge. He couldn't waltz in here and take over her piece of mind.

"And miss this?" his eyes dropped to her lips making her conscious at once,not for the world, he thought. It wasn't like she was expecting him to walk away. She knew better and at this point, Khushi Kumari Gupta admitted albeit grudgingly that she didn't want him to either.

"I'll set up the table outside" she darted out of the room before he could react.

Stopping only at the table outside to regain some composure."What is Arnavji doing here?" she asked herself, "Calm down Khushi Kumari Gupta..." she fanned herself and recited Subhadra's mantra, "Let go, let go...let go"

When Khushi talked to herself, it meant trouble in paradise. Subhadra had a hunch, "Whats wrong?" She asked, and one look at Khushi's expressions, her thoughts were confirmed, "He's here?" Khushi nodded vigorously,"In there?" Now that was unexpected alright. 

"What the hell" the cranky uncle snapped, "What kind of a man sneaks in through the back door!" he got up and strode towards the kitchen. His friends followed him. And in no time, Khushi saw all of them follow, "Don't look so surprised, they may be cranky old men but they love you" Subhadra spoke, "I need to see this..." her eyes reflected the excitement, "Especially you know who..." she was the last to leave followed by a weary Khushi, who did not have a good feeling about this. But even she couldn't have predicted how things  would unfold.

It took Subhadra's authoritative voice to silence the commotion inside the kitchen. All the members had surrounded a hapless Arnav, who quite frankly looked frazzled being at the receiving end of unwanted attention of this kind.

"Quiet everyone and move" commanded Subhadra and as the men moved to the sides revealing the man, Khushi's ex-husband, who stood at the other end, Subhadra froze in her tracks.

"Arnav?"

"Dadi"

No one had seen this coming, no one.

"Dadi?" it was Khushi's turn, "Arnav ji?"But there was just silence and lots of shocked faces. A moment later, something was terribly wrong Khushi knew right away, Arnav looked pale and distraught, not happy. Gone was the playfulness of a moment ago, the bleakness of his eyes unnerved her.

"Arnav..." Subhadra smiled tearfully, "Oh my god, its really you!" and rushed towards him, in small eager steps while he stayed put, "Look at you, all grown up!" 

He backed away when Subhadra reached out to him. His eyes shot a warning - don't you dare, it seemed to say. He turned to Khushi next, holding her gaze longer than usual. Khushi recognized the pained look from a night years ago - when her own life had taken an abrupt turn - it wasn't anger, she knew now. It was pain. Arnav was the first to look away, afraid she would see the vulnerability. It was too late already.

He turned around and strode out of the door without looking back. The room was still uncomfortably quiet with everyone stunned into silence, barring the muffled sounds of Subhadra's cries, "Arnav wait...!" she tried to reach out, stop him but he was long gone. When Khushi realized, Subhadra was slumping, she reached out to break the fall as best she could and succeeded with others rushing forward to steady the two of them.

"So he was..." whispered one of them, pointing towards the door where Arnav had just walked out form, "Your husband?" and turning towards Subhadra, your grandson, he didn't ask. There was no need.

 Khushi blinked trying to soak in everything! Her eyes still fixated on the door through which he had just walked out, the room was full of people but it felt terribly lonely in there. 

Part 25

Part 25

The past week had simply been torturous for Arnav. He had conceded to her request of space, and had concertedly stayed away even if it meant, it killed him to do so. What he had not realized was how difficult it was going to be to be so near yet remain so far away!

Just a week ago, Arnav had put everything on the line when he had confessed of his feelings. He wasn't expecting her to run back into his arms right away but at the same time, he had not seen this coming. But, he was not Arnav Singh Raizada for nothing, and even though, he seemed to be toeing her line on the surface, there were a lot of things going on behind the scenes. Things that Khushi was not aware of; strings of which lay firmly grasped by one shrewd Mr. Raizada. Of course, it came at a price, which by the end of the week, had taken an unprecedented toll on him emotionally. Not surprisingly, his mind had drifted off numerous times throughout the week to their conversation of a week ago and it happened again as he sat on the sofa of his living room sipping the black coffee on this beautiful Saturday morning, waiting for that one call that would rouse him into action. Inevitably, his thoughts veered back to the moment of a week ago, when she was in this room with him.

"I can't..." her tearful eyes had looked up at his, the emotions in them betraying her words, and yet she had remained firm in her resolution, "You cannot come back here and expect to make things right...I don't know what to say" He hadn't missed how she had retreated backwards creating a deliberate distance between them, "If you really mean what you say, then let me be...as I have been..."

He sighed deeply, "But Khushi...?" She stopped him by raising her hand, she was not done yet, and "There are things..." Khushi didn't want to talk about Shyam ever again but it wasn't possible to avoid who had driven them apart, "I don't know what's changed suddenly Arnavji..." Not just her words but her eyes questioned him as well, "I could still be the home-wrecker..."he didn't need any more reminders of the past and how badly he had erred "No Khushi...I was wrong" he squeezed his eyes shut trying to keep yesterday at bay, his own words coming back to haunt him and he had no way to stop them .

"I am still the same Khushi that I always was Arnavji...what's changed that you say this now?"


"Why couldn't you trust me that day when I came after you...that day at the airport...begging you to give me a chance"
 She recalled how he had walked away leaving her in a teary mess, "You kept walking away...without giving me a chance to..."

"I was a mess back then Khushi, do you even know what the thoughts of you and Shyam did to me...they would drive me mad..."

"You chose to believe him over me. Over everything you had seen...and experienced by yourself?"

"Over my better judgment..." He admitted ruefully, "It wasn't just that Khushi...I ran away from you and everything it meant for as long as I could because it was making me emotional and I felt vulnerable. I feared I was losing control...it was very complicated"

"Only because you let it be so..." she interrupted before continuing, "and then you ran away"

"I wanted to be by myself..." he was not as convincing in his defense.

"Like I do now, is that too much to ask for?"

"Don't do this Khushi" he took a step towards her but she backed away further.

"How could you just walk away from me?" he saw the raw hurt in her eyes, his words and actions had inflicted upon the one he cared for the most in the world, "Khushi listen to me..."

"No Armavji...I'm done listening..." Khushi did not want to be there anymore, "Can you give me what I ask for?"

"Will you come back, if I let you walk away?"

"I cannot live if you hold me back" she said, "Can you live with that?"

There was no arguing with that.

So Arnav had been left with no choice but to respect her wish and stay away. To his credit, he had kept his end of the deal. But there was only so much a man could do, especially when her safety was at risk because of the threat posed by the return of Shyam. There was no way in hell he was going to leave her without adequate cover.
But by the end of the week, Arnav conceded to himself that staying away was getting them nowhere. "At least she is safe" he would say as he observed her on random nights being driven back home late nights by Mohan. But the distance was killing him.

A week ago, Khushi had firmly rejected his offer of being chauffeured by Mohan. Knowing how stubborn Khushi was, Arnav had resorted to blackmail, and it had worked. He was not proud of it, "At least she will be safe" that's all he cared about.

"But do you know how silly I look being driven from my hostel to Mama's Kitchen, where I work as a chef??"
 Obviously she had to put up a fight. Arnav was in no mood to back off or heed to her obstinacy.

Arnav knew Khushi's weakness and he used it without a second thought- his instructions to Mohan before he had taken off to Khushi's hostel had been, "If you fail to make her use this car...and if I find out, she has used public transportation even once after today, you will be fired Mohan. Do whatever it takes"

As he had anticipated, he had received a call from Khushi within the next hour, she was not surprisingly, livid, "Arnav ji, how can you do this?" He loved that bite in her voice, it made him feel wanted, like she had the already given him the right to be angry at him, did she not see it, he wondered. Did she boss around every other man like this?

"What did I do Khushi?" Arnav was a master at feigning ignorance and Khushi would get a taste of it soon, he leaned back on the sofa, eager to take this conversation ahead, "You know very well. Didn't I just ask you to give me some space?" Could this man be any more annoying, Khushi wondered as she looked at the tensed face of Mohan.

"Which I have given you... otherwise we wouldn't be talking over the phone" he smirked; he could mentally picture her blowing steam off her ears, and the nose turning red in anger. And her lips would be quivering with all the nonsense she would be sprouting... those lips... brought back the memories of their first kiss... but he couldn't think too far, Khushi's voice forced him back to the present.

"So what is this ten foot metal junk doing outside my hostel?" the irritation was palpable in her voice, "Then it's a one expensive piece of junk" he chuckled, only Khushi would call a Mercedes a junk, and he had once called her a gold-digger, he had a lot of making up to do, "It's called a car Khushi...and it will be your transportation from now on"

"And what makes you think I will accept it?"

"Because Mohan will get fired if you don't"


"Whaatt!!?" She was aghast at this blatant blackmail and turned to Mohan for confirmation, his sorry figure all but confirmed his predicament, "You can't do that!?"

"I can, and I will. From now on, you will be using that car. If you refuse to use it, then Mohan can find another job"


"But that's blackmail! You love Mohan Arnavji, I know...you can't fire him, he has two young children!!" she pleaded hoping he would see sense; there was no need to include an innocent in their battle.

"Do you want to try me?" he asked, he meant business and she knew it.

"But Arnav ji...I told you"
 she was serious all of a sudden, "I can't accept this...we are not ..."

"Yes we still are...we are still married" he wanted to say but that would have to wait for another day. He wasn't keen on bringing her back because of any obligation, if she did come back, it would be because she wanted to, nothing else, "Khushi, I know you don't like me and don't want any interference in your life, but I can't take a risk with Shyam around"

Where the threat of firing Mohan failed, the mention of Shyam worked, Khushi went silent at the other end as the real threat dawned upon her, "I promise Khushi, you won't see me around you..." he paused hoping she would react in some way, with some words but he was met by more silence,"Just accept this offer Khushi and I won't ask for anything more..."

"But Shyam...?" she asked, if there was one person she never wanted to see again in her life, it was this man, not the man who she was talking to currently, "The police are on it Khushi...they will find him" he knew she was worried, "Khushi trust me, I won't let that man come within ten feet of you now..." he paused knowing she was deliberating his request and her silence only confirmed the same, "I can't take a chance with your safety Khushi..." he conceeded.

And somehow, despite everything that had happened between them, Khushi trusted him - she knew that he was doing the right thing. She certainly had no desire to see or fight that monster again.

It had been exactly a week since that conversation, since then there had been no phone calls or surprise meetings, Arnav knew she was safe because there was an elaborate security arrangement in place looking after her safety. But he missed her, he needed to see her and just be around her, if nothing. And so he had decided to grant his heart's request, and the plan on the surface felt perfect, show up announced at the Old Age Home in the pretext of donating some amount of money, and in the process get to spend some time with her. Surely, no one would object to that! It was time to start wooing his wife, her dictates be damned, and it wasn't getting them anywhere anyway. Arnav Singh Raizada never played by the rules, and this was the most important deal in life now, one he needed to win at any cost, all was fair in that quest!

"Mrs. Raizada here I come" Arnav smirked as he picked up the car keys and walked out of his apartment after receiving Mohan's confirmation, "Sir I've just drove Ma'am to the Old Age Home"

~~~

A week, it had been a week since that fateful morning when she had walked out on his proposal...
"Because I love you...I've always had...it just took me longer to accept it Khushi" which played over and over in her mind so many times over the week that she had lost count.
At her insistence to go back to her hostel in the morning, Arnav had stubbornly refused to let her take an auto back and had insisted to drop her off back at the hostel, something she could not refuse after knowing about Shyam.

The ride back to the Hostel had been quiet. He had hardly spoken, perhaps hurt by her indifference or lack of response to his confession but what was he expecting? That she would run back into his arms and that everything would be okay?

Khushi didn't know. And she had asked for some space, but it was a week now and she had not seen him once, barring that conversation where he had emotionally blackmailed her to accept Mohan's services; the man himself had been missing! She wanted to ask him about the ring but wasn't sure if she was ready to hear his answer.

Khushi was expecting him to show up at work, may be even stop by for dinner or breakfast as he had done the week before, but nope, he had gone missing! By Tuesday night, she felt a fool for having tweaked the dinner and breakfast menus to include food to his liking. A complete idiot in her own words, "Admit it Khushi, you still love him" Deeya's response had ticked her off. And so from Wednesday onwards, the menu included things he wouldn't eat even if it was the last piece of food on Earth. Little was she aware of the psychological games being played by Arnav. Wednesday arrived with a different bang and it seriously derailed her sanity, and for the rest of the week the only constant had been news of him in the tabloids - this blind item about him and this mysterious woman. Now that had riled up Khushi to an extent like not even his absence had. Deeya had laughed at Khushi's predicament, "You.are.JEALOUS, accept it woman. You think everything written, is about him!!"

"No" Khushi had argued, "This is him!"  Even the biggest fool could make out who this man was, but it was the woman who agitated her more, "Who do you think this mysterious woman is?" she had asked Deeya, "It could be anybody, this place has no shortage of women vying for a great catch!"

"Catch?" Khushi may have lived in Mumbai but there were still things she kept learning every day, "Yes, a handsome, rich...and single young man - now you may not want him Khushi, but you have to admit, your ex is a catch!" Deeya was so forthright it only served to annoy Khushi more, "I thought you were my friend"

But Deeya was far from done, "So may be while you have spent the good part of this week keeping your distance and sulking like a child who has been forced to stay away from chocolate...oh wait" she playfully slapped her own forehead, "Forced to stay away from Jalebis, there might have been others more intelligent women who spent their time wisely"

"Wisely?" Deeya knew she had Khushi's complete attention; she loved this side of Khushi, if only she could see herself, "Yes trying to catch his fancy...and he is a young man..." she looked up at Khushi and went for the kill, "Who has needs..."

Khushi stood up abruptly putting an end to this conversation, "Alright I'm done here..."

As much sense as Deeya made, she knew in her heart- it was not true, this was not the man she knew...or had spent time with in the past, infidelity was not his thing especially after his confession just a week ago. But it still bugged her a lot, "Who is this mystery woman!!!" Khushi had gone crazy thinking about the blind item ever since the news had come out on Wednesday, "Argghhh!" and had finally tossed the paper out of the window in frustration.

And now it was Saturday, the man was nowhere, "LG can't even do this straight" Khushi would never admit it but she was missing LG just as much if not more. On top of that, she was ticked off that he hadn't tried to break his word, what happened to that man she knew before. All of this just annoyed her further, she hated that she missed him, and would do anything to catch a glimpse of him.

She mumbled as she stirred the curry mixing all the ingredients, unaware of curious eyes staring at her. Her mind still preoccupied by thoughts of him, parts of their conversation and that ring, it was a nagging thought but it didn't make sense, why would he be still wearing that ring?

"She is talking to herself" the cynical old man moved his glasses up and stared at Khushi and then looked back at Mrs. Malik, "I told you this girl is unstable"

"Shhh" 
Subhadra silenced him, "You foolish old man, can't you see she is bothered about something..."

"Women..." he picked up the paper from the table and walked away, "Just hope that curry doesn't turn out like her mood"
Subhadra walked up to Khushi and patted her back gently startling her in the process, "Is everything alright Khushi, you look disturbed?"

Khushi turned around to see that four other elders had gathered around her, concern well etched on their faces, she did not have the heart to lie to them, "He is back Mrs. Malik" she said.

They did not follow at first, "Who is he?" asked one, "My ex-husband"Khushi replied back promptly.

"Well he better stay away from us then" the oldest of the group replied back aggressively and the others joined in. Their care and warmth brought a smile to Khushi's lips, "You are like my family" she hugged them back, it was endearing, and she felt loved.

"Actually on second thoughts, you should invite him here Khushi...we will beat him to pulp" said Subhadra noticing how their banter was easing the worry off her face, little did she know, the man in question, who also happened to be her one and only grand-son had just driven to their front yard.
~~~

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Part 24

Before I start:

A note of Thank You to all you wonderful people. Thank you for all the messages and PMs.  My mind was not in the right place the last few months and took me longer than expected to get around things but now I'm back and will continue and conclude this story as soon as I can.

Thank you again.

Hope you enjoy the update, it is a little short but its better than nothing and I had to get things started once again.

Enjoy!

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He followed her right away and knelt down on the floor in front of her in a move so uncharacteristically Arnav Singh Raizada, in either action or in words, he did what he had to. Khushi could only stare in complete surprise, as the brute sprung yet another surprise. 
He took her tremblings hands in his, causing her to look down, at her own shaky hands now encased in his, “Khushi…” he spoke urging her to look up, “Khushi please look at me”
And she did like before, to find his eyes reflecting a strange vulnerability – she was certain was a reflection of her own state of being, “I came to take you home” he said.
It was not a lie, there was no pretence; it wasn’t a sham. Truth, was all there was to it. Khushi couldn’t get it. Reflexively, she meant to pry her hands off his hold but he would not let go, instead his kept talking, unlike the LG she had known forever, “I’m not here to let you go Khushi…” his hold was still strong.
“Unless I consent it, it will be coercion” And this time, he removed his hands like they had been suddenly scarred by her words, “And it will be like before” she concluded unbothered by his discomfort – her own egged on no doubt by the mention of the word home. She would defy her heart because it only led down a path of hurt stained with tears. 
“Khushi…please, that’s not what I meant”
“Arnav ji, why do you get to decide everything?” She looked at him in the eyes, there was fear this time, “Why don’t you ask me what I want for a change?”
To her credit Khushi waited for his response and when there was none, she gave him a wry smile and said, “Old habits die hard don’t they Arnav ji?”
He kept starring at her letting her words sink in, “That’s all you remember?”
She simply stared back blankly, their eyes still trying to decipher things, words had failed to convey.  
“Home…” she said, “I’ve been searching for one all my life”
Arnav snapped his head up concerned at where this was headed, “Khushi…” but she motioned him to let her speak, “I lost home even before I knew what a home was… when I finally began to understand what it meant, I realized it wasn’t real but a mirage and I was constantly reminded that I was the outsider. I tried my best to be one of them… and then Sheesh Mahal happened…” Arnav was beginning to dread where this was headed because he knew who the antagonist was in this tale, did he still think he deserved to take her home? But she wasn’t done yet, “Then...you snatched away my mirage in one single stroke and everyday you made it clear to me that, I was not welcome at your home…..I was married but I had no home…or a husband or a family. Why would I ever want to go back, to your home?”
May be it was the finality of those words or the detachment; it hurt him deeply when she addressed Shantivan as his home! And almost mechanically, he got up from his knees and plunked down, defeated on the sofa besides her. At this point, both of them were starring at the nothingness that seemed to surround them at that instant.
But his mind was anything but silent.
Had he truly never given her a reason to believe? Arnav was rendered speechless by Khushi’s question. The silence between them stretched into minutes, and with each passing moment, Khushi’s hopes died a little. She knew it was futile expecting answers from this man, a man of few words - who despite his struggles with words had oddly found plenty to sear her heart into pieces. She knew there was no answer coming her way. So she was the one to break the silence, “It’s okay Arnavji, I don’t expect you to answer...”

“Is that so?” he asked turning towards her, “Is that why you ran away without a trace?” his eyes were grim but focussed on hers in that unrelenting way that unnerved her always. 

And it angered her, his gall to ask her that after everything he had put her through, “Is that what this is all about? Your bruised ego?” she shot back, hurt at his words- hurt at the realization that it was all she was getting after everything she had been through. Well she wasn’t ready to let him steam roll her again, “I held up my end of the deal Mr. Raizada, I stayed for the entire duration of the contract. I left when there was nothing left to hold me back...”

“And we’re back to Mr. Raizada again” Khushi didn’t feel the need to answer to that, “Now that I’m here and trying to make something of my life, you come back demanding answers? Well guess what, if you can’t answer any, you don’t have a right to ask any either” And just as swiftly she turned away from him and lapsed into a defiant silence. Arnav waited for a good few seconds and knowing how stubborn this woman could be - and armed with the knowledge of his own inability to put words together to explain his point of view. He let that path go, there was only one way to let her know, to make her understand - the only way that mattered, the only way all deception would shatter. Possibly the only way, he a man a few words could convey the depth and sincerity of his emotions to her - and so risking everything Arnav Singh Raizada made his move, “Fine you asked for it” and closed in on her without any further warning, “I…umm….What are you doing?” Khushi tried to push him away but he was too quick for her and before she knew it, his lips were on hers. There was no hiding from it anywhere. She may have been shocked but all he needed was a mere touch to set her on fire, and this was a full bloody assault on her senses, the kind she had never been subjected to before. Khushi didn’t really know what hit her and it was too late by the time it registered. He could feel the initial shock that coursed through her at the first touch slowly ebb away as he felt her melt into his arms.That was all the confirmation he needed. But it was short lived, just as she wrapped her arms around him trying to bring him closer… giving in, Arnav pulled back. He had to - knowing very well that he wouldn’t be able to stop at a mere kiss had it gone on any longer. 

After a few precious seconds… of silence were no words were said…Khushi opened her eyes feeling bereft and confused at the sudden loss to find him starring at her. And it no longer felt joyous because she felt hurt, was he trying to prove a point or was it a rejection? Her inexperienced mind only clung to the worst conclusions. Before Arnav could respond Khushi’s self preservation instinct kicked in full force, “Are you crazy!?” she pushed him out of the way and walked past him, trying desperately to get her sanity back. But he wasn’t about to let her go yet. He stopped her, holding her back her wrist, and took slow but deliberate steps that brought him closer to her, his eyes holding hers captive all the while, like they were boring into her soul. There was no escaping from it for her.

Suddenly he was the calmer one of the two, “I wasn’t the only one” he said softly his eyes dropping to her lips in between as if to prove a point.

She tried to free herself from his grip but her strength was no match for his, “Let me go, I’m done here” it sounded more like a plea, “Arnav…” She didn’t want to be in his presence anymore, hell with him and his twisted head, “Call me a cab”

“Fine run away” he let go of her hand and she looked up at him in surprise, “Go Khushi, if you must. But do take my car…Mohan will drop you. Go run away, like you always do”

And strangely, she couldn’t move an inch. 

“I won’t stop or force you to do anything you don’t want to anymore, even if it kills me” His words made no sense, he made no sense - Khushi felt lost.

“What game are you playing now?” she asked wearily.

Arnav held her hands and kissed them, “This is no game Khushi” and she knew he meant it.

“Arnavji..” but he didn’t let her speak, “You asked me a question... remember?”
Khushi wasn’t sure what he was getting at, there was no predicting him anymore, “Just moments ago, you had asked me why you would ever want to go back to such a place?” She still didn’t get it, “What does that have to do with any of this?”

He smiled, and the genuine warmth in the glow of his eyes unnerved her and made her curious at the same time, “It has everything to do with that...” he looked at the uncertainty reflected in her eyes, “You still don’t get it do you?”

She blinked unsure of where this was headed and yet that familiar craving was back almost as if his smile had given it a new lease of life, and then it happened, “Home is where you are Khushi...” he spoke like he had never before - Khushi blinked twice, LG had gone mad, completely this time, “I’m done going around in circles...” she spoke trying to break free of his hold but he wasn’t ready to let go yet, he tightened his hold and moved her closer to himself, “Come back home with me Khushi...” he spoke, “Why should I?” her response was immediate.



“Because I love you” And that threw her off the highest cliff spiraling down the dizzying height into the deepest gorge that ever existed. For the first time, Khushi Kumari Gupta was speechless. And it was Arnav who spoke, “It was the only way left for me to make you understand... this is no game...” she could tell from the look in his eyes that he was telling her the truth, “I don’t know if I can ever make up for what I’ve messed up already in our lives...but if you give me a chance” he paused briefly, “I’m sorry for everything Khushi...for not trusting you, for doubting you and for making your life hell. I admit was wrong. Even when you pleaded me to...I refused to believe you. I may have chosen the wrong way Khushi but I will never be sorry for having you in my life...and that is why I’m here today, thats why I ask you to come back home with me...not because of anything else... but because...”

Friday, January 17, 2014

Part 23

Part 23

Ten minutes later, Khushi was still starring at the food on the plate, she wasn't scared per say but the idea of him being out there unnerved her slightly. It couldn't be anyone else, she wasn't important enough for random strangers to start stalking her. It felt like deja vu again, everything was coming back, at breakneck speed.

"Khushi, its getting cold" Arnav spoke hoping to snap her out of her troubled daze, "Khushi..." he spoke again, her excruciating silence and the faraway look in her eyes scarred him. When he did not get any response from her, he leaned towards her and flicked her nose gently and it did the trick as she looked at him a little startled, "What?" and immediately jerked away finding him too close for comfort. Why can't this man keep his hands to himself!

He looked at her plate and then back up to her teasingly, "I thought food was your best friend?" Hoping he could irk her enough to keep her distracted, Arnav set about doing just that, "What?" there was a frown on her face, "Its Italian food" he said, had he missed something?

She shrugged taking him by surprise.

"But you are a professional chef in an Italian restaurant?" he said, you don't cook that stuff day in and day out if you don't like it, he meant to say. Why else would you specialize in this cuisine? He wanted to know.

"So? Are you saying a butcher has to eat meat all the time?" he nearly choked on the pasta as the incredulity of her words hit him and then for the first time in many days he smiled because Khushi was beginning to sound a little crazy which was actually a good sign, so he decided to meddle with her mind further, "You know Khushi, my first instinct after finding out you were a professional chef would have been to scour all the sweet shops in Mumbai..." he deliberately left out the last part knowing very well Khushi would fill in the blanks.

"What do you mean?" Her head snapped up and for a moment he saw that familiar spark back, would she take the bait? He wondered and when she spoke next, he knew she had, "Are you implying that I am good enough to make jalebis only?"

He smirked, welcome back Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada. 

While on the other side, it felt like nothing had changed, the smugness was the same and Khushi felt like wiping that lopsided grin off his face. She couldn't control her emotions when it came to this man; he could turn her into a blabbering idiot or a gooey mess at will and she hated that. Unfortunately for her, she had no clue how adorable she looked to the man starring at her in mild amusement, even as she swore unceremoniously under her breath,#$%@#@#@! It may not have been the ladylike but it was quintessentially Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada, and he loved it.

Unable to hide his amusement at her antics, he chuckled lightly "What are you saying Khushi?"  enjoying every bit of that all too familiar drama, something that had been missing in his life for too long, far too long, he mused.

Khushi's response was quick but measured, like she was holding back, "Nothing..."  There is no need to indulge to his fancies, she cautioned herself. But he wasn't planning on backing down, so he bugged her some more, "Looks like you agree with me" he kept pushing her though.

Khushi knew where this was headed, "Oh please...I know what you are trying to do here. I'm not falling for it" She held back a smart remark knowing that's what he was after but Arnav was adamant and kept pestering her, "Just admit it Khushi, I was right"
"Yes of course" she replied slightly irked by now, "Laad Governer is always right. How can you be wrong, right?" His response was a mere shrug of the shoulders, "Well..." something about his response didn't gel well with her and even though it wasn't meant to be hurtful, Khushi's words triggered just that and took them back to square one, "Sweet shops yes...let's see..." she pretended to think, "May be you are right because that's the last place you would ever come to"

Ouch! Sometimes words hurt more than we think they do. Khushi's words weren't meant to hurt him per say or dig up the past, but that's what they did.  And with it, the awkwardness was back. The past that they had both wanted to put behind them was back. Silence was back. It seemed that they were destined to rot in this hell, was there no end to this impasse?
Dinner thereafter turned into a very, very quiet affair. They ate in complete silence, each ruminating on the events that had led them to this point. Arnav felt exalted and yet weariness seeped into it because at the back of his mind, this voice kept reminding him that this was fleeting, this moment was not going to last forever. The realization that come morning, he would have to drop her off in that building she called home was ebbing away his peace of mind.

On the other hand, Khushi also felt like she was on tenterhooks. Not only was her mind completely muddled by the revelations that Aman had brought along. But the news had also planted this seed of fear back in her mind which over the course of the dinner had seemingly snowballed into a full-fledged reality, was Shyam really back? It was a chilling thought and rightly unnerved her because Shyam meant trouble and only trouble. Something she knew without a shred of doubt by now.  Was she ready to go through it all over again?

Khushi just wanted to go back to that happy space of a fortnight ago, when her life was just about her with no shadows of the past looming about anywhere, just a girl trying to make something of her life with a firm belief that her past with all its headaches, heartaches and fears was well and truly behind her. Wrong! A voice from within startled her and she knew as she saw Arnav across the table that she couldn't have been more off. He was back and with him possibly everything else was too.

As she continued to gaze across the table lost in her thoughts, it happened without her knowing - that fear slowly ebbed away into the same dark crevices of her mind that it had crawled out of only to be replaced by a strange lull, like a serene calmness...that you feel only when you know you are absolutely safe where you are. Was that home? This could have been any other day of their lives, if only.

There before her, sat the man who had once forcefully married her - someone  whom she had over the course of the months spent together, come to accept as her husband - and perhaps the only man she had ever truly dared to love.  The same man who had accused her of adultery... and charged her guilty of the same...the man she had walked out on! When Arnav looked up and his eyes met her curious ones, his hands stilled, the grip on the fork was the only palpable signs of tension. His eyes were tender...and caring, so hollow and lonely, she noted. Like time had hollowed out everything leaving behind an empty shell. Was that her story too?

It was at this moment Khushi remembered the most random of things, Ved's wise words from another time, "our thoughts are a reflection of who we are" It hit her like a bolt of lightning, those words - she was seeing herself in those caramel orbs. It was no lie. There was no getting away from it. Why despite everything that had transpired between them, was she still sitting here? It didn't make sense because it never had.

They didn't know how long they kept looking at each other and it didn't matter. It could have been any other day, or year - or place, these two - back in Sheesh-mahal when she fell off the ramp and he caught a simmering gift in his arms, like a godsend into his life. Or that day when the tears of a nobody had robbed his sanity even while another woman - his fiance stood cocooned in the warmth of his arms; and yet the world had ceased to be not because of whom he held in his arms but because of that nobody who stood forlorn. It was always about them, and possibly would always be.

"Khushi?" it was Arnav who broke their moment, "Tum theek ho?"

Khushi felt a little embarrassed at having been caught starring at him so blatantly, "yes" she nodded and focused her attention on her plate, digging into the remaining pasta, hoping that he wouldn't have noticed. Not before her eyes fell on this shiny ring on his finger though, something was off about it but she couldn't quite put it together, yet.
Arnav gave a stilted smile, the kind that never reaches your eyes; she noticed much to her annoyance. Which clearly meant that the food wasn't much of a helpful diversion; this silence, and being with him in close proximity was beginning to make her feel restless. Khushi knew she needed a bigger distraction at this point, even if it was her own voice because she realized she was beginning to notice little details about him, details she had no business knowing, not anymore.

"You live here alone?" she asked looking around and no sooner had those words escaped her mouth, she felt utterly stupid. To his credit, he kept a straight face, "I told you earlier Khushi, I live alone here"

"Of course..." she said even as she let out a long sigh and looked around the table. "And you live with Deeya" he said hoping to engage her in some casual conversation, "She seems like a good friend" he said. Khushi smiled, "She is..." her fondness for Deeya was apparent in the warmth of that smile.

"She is...more like a mother to me at times..." she stopped right away surprised at her own admission, those big expressive eyes tried in vain to mask the emotions but it was too late. It didn't take long for the memories to crowd her mind either, memories of the family she had left behind and of that mother whose loving embrace she still yearned for. The same mother who had refused to acknowledge her, or stop Buaji from kicking her out of the house and slamming the door on her face during her pag phere rasam - despite everything, Khushi missed her mother, the only one she had ever known! The yearning was written on those orbs, clear for him to see.

Arnav's presence was starting to bring back everything in bits and pieces something she had managed to shut off in this city so far. She took a few moments to compose herself, but strangely it was his words that soothed her frazzled nerves more, "Garima  Aunty is fine, your family is fine...Khushi. She misses you" it was like he had been reading her mind, "Everyone does" he added hoping she would hear the unsaid.

Khushi got up abruptly from the chair and pushed the plate away, "I'm full"
She walked out into the balcony hoping for a reprieve and was immediately taken in by the view which was quite simply exquisite, the kind that only rich money could buy. It was the same city she lived in but while she saw rusted metal, stained glass, buildings that had stood far beyond their time - this view was nothing but the ocean - the sky and point where it all blurred and the distinction ceased to be. There were no voices here just the elements. It was still the same city, only the perspective had changed. It didn't make either of them unreal. Towards the far end of the balcony, neatly arranged in a row were his potted plants, fresh blooming roses. But Khushi was entranced by the magnificence to notice anything else.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Arnav walked out to stand beside her, his arms gripped the cold stainless steel railing, his fingers slightly grazing hers in the process. Khushi reacted by immediately drawing back that hold, he was too close for comfort again. Why does he keep doing this? She looked down at their hands and her eyes fell momentarily upon that ring again, something about the ring kept bothering her, she just couldn't figure out what though.

Both of them didn't say another word or move for the longest time. It was Khushi who broke this silence, "Why are you here Arnavji?" she asked, still not looking at him. Because you are here. Unfortunately that wasn't the response he voiced out loud, "Try this Khushi..." and then in a moment of uncharacteristic eagerness - he closed in on her and tilted her face upwards using his hands on her chin, so close that she could take in that fresh cologne, which was exquisitely him - "look at that cluster of stars...Khushi..." sensing her confusion, he continued explaining, "Straight up" and pointed towards it, "Yes, that's the one, with four of them...sparkling brightly" his voice fanned her face as he spoke.

His voice that touch - the proximity was stirring to life sensations she didn't think existed anymore. Helpless under this onslaught, she gave up and followed his directions to notice those stars twinkling in the night sky, "You know who they are?" he murmured in her ears. She didn't need to hear any further, Khushi turned abruptly wanting to stop him before he rendered her helpless but all thoughts flew out of her rational mind when she saw how close they stood. She let out a slight gasp when she felt him bring her closer, her eyes fell on that scar on his eye-lid before they settled on his eyes, and it was like she was starring at herself - at unmasked, naked truth. Unable to hold back, Khushi traced the outlines of the scar with the tip of her index finger sending him into frenzy, and before she realized it, he brought her fingers to his lips - and kissed them tenderly while his other hand held her in a possessive grip by her waist.

Overwhelmed, Khushi closed her eyes hoping to mask her emotions but could not stop the tears that trickled down as her defenses slowly melted away against his onslaught. However she snapped her eyes open in absolute shock, the very next moment - when she felt his thumb lightly graze her lips. Her eyes fluttered open as she pushed him back and leapt out of his hold realizing the urgent need to put an end to this, "Nooo..." her voice came out strained; and before he could react, she had walked back inside the apartment hoping the distance would help rein in those rogue emotions and her own treacherous heart that had suddenly come to life.

Arnav looked at Khushi, his Khushi as she sat motionless on the sofa. If she was hoping for some space, Arnav certainly paid no heed. He followed her in and knelt down on the floor in front of her in a move so uncharacteristically Arnav Singh Raizada, in either action or in words that it took both of them by surprise. Khushi could only stare in absolute silence, as he encased his hands firmly over her shaky ones, "Khushi..." he held her hand softly, stroking his thumb back and forth across her knuckles in a soothing gesture, "Khushi please..."

Khushi found herself starring back at a certain vulnerability - and was certain it was a reflection of her own state of being, "I came to take you home" he said.

It was no lie, there was no pretence; it wasn't a game - she saw. Truth, was all there was to it. And Khushi didn't get it, "Why now" she asked with curiosity laced words, "What's changed?" Reflexively, she tried to pry her hands off his hold but he would not let go "What if I refuse?" she asked again but he ignored her protests and kept saying what he had to, "I'm not here to let you go Khushi..." his hold was still strong, "I mean it, please come back home Khushi"

"Why?" she asked again.

"Why?" he snapped, "What do you mean why?" and immediately realized he shouldn't have raised his voice.

"You can't force me" he removed his hands like they had just been scarred by her words, "Like before" she said unbothered by his obvious discomfort. She would defy her heart because it only led down a path of hurt stained with tears, home was where she was.
"Khushi...please, that's not what I meant"
"Why do you get to decide everything Arnavji?" She looked at him, was that a hint of fear she saw in them, "Why don't you ask me what I want for a change?"

To her credit Khushi waited for his response and when there was none, she gave him a wry smile and said, "Somethings never change do they Arnav ji?"

He kept starring at her letting those words sink in, "That's all you remember?" he asked incredulously. A little hurt even though he was pretty sure, he deserved every bit of her anger.

She simply stared back blankly, eyes still trying to decipher things, words had failed to convey. 

"Home..." she rued, "I've been searching for one all my life"

Alarmed by her words and that faraway look in her eyes, he spoke, "Khushi..." but she motioned him to let her speak, "I lost home even before I knew what a home was... when I finally began to understand what it meant; I realized it wasn't real but a mirage as I was constantly reminded that I was the outsider. I tried my best to be one of them... and then Sheesh Mahal happened..." Arnav was beginning to dread where this was headed because he knew who the antagonist was in this tale, did he still think he deserved to take her home? But she wasn't done yet, "Then...you snatched away my only semblance of a home with one single stroke and made me an outsider once again. Every day you made it clear to me that, I was not welcome at your home...I was married but I had no home...or had a husband or a family, to call my own. I was alone amidst all those people, why would I ever want to go back, to such a place, or your home?"

Was he prepared to give an honest answer?